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2012 - AKA…Chicken Little Shits His Pants Again!!

By King Hippo - Posted on 16 December 2009

I should have known better...

Anytime John "no personality" Cusack is in any film, it's sure to be a loser.

Ok, there's the rare exception but it's usually a one-off, artsy type of flick which a total of eight people in the world actually went to see.

This dysentery diaper is anything but.

And to add insult to injury, Woody "make way Gary Busey, I'm about to pass your demented ass!" Harrelson also co-stars - no less as a "Repent! The world is ending" conspiracy theorist with his own pirate radio station.

Geez, do I need to go on here?

Ok, I will.

They should have cast Cusack's ultra lib, ultra-ass, should-have-been-a-lesbian, ugly-sister Joan - as his ex-wife instead of Amanda Peet. That would have given Dan Cedar his first wood since his double strength Mexican Viagra prescription ran out.

Just imagine, John and Joan swapping spit on camera. Eeeew!!

On second thought, witnessing that scene would have made most heterosexual males become Tibetan monks...but still giving Dan Cedar wood.

A truly contrived plot - another "end of the world" story based on various real life predictions from the likes of The Maya to Nostradamus , et al.

Basically, some raghead Hindi scientist in a third world country finds that the earth's core is heating up to proportions bordering on the cataclysmic.

His contact in the US has the ear of the current prez who then decides secretly, with the governments of other nations, to build several "arks" which will re-populate the world after it blows itself to hell. Can anyone imagine Ronnie Reagan pulling this shit?

Here is my rant that will, most likely, catapult me past Rush Limbaugh

Of course, the general public is kept in the dark about these findings, unlike, say the complete fairy tale that that Fat Fuck "inventor of the internet" Al Gore and his butt-munching cadre of leftist "scientists" that have “Photo Shopped” every picture of melting ice caps in the entire world and have hoisted melted piles of shit on the lemming-like, Oprah-watching, generational-welfare collecting, crack-smoking, Marxist-loving, unwanted-baby-making, trash that populate most, if not all, of western civilization.

Yeah, I know. I WIN !!

In order to finance such a project, the rich and famous of the world are offered reserved seats on the various arks for the tidy sum of 1 Billion...Euros, NOT Dollars...per seat, not per family...

So, let me get this straight. We are now converting to Euros????

Oh, Yeah, That's right. The Jews have all of their money tied up in Fucking Switzerland!!

Of course, John Cusack is not one of the "Chosen", Hmmm, interesting terminology...seems like I've read that somewhere. Like maybe, I dunno... Oh, yeah, The Bible!!

So, anyway...Moses, or maybe it's Noah, I mean Cusack, spends three quarters of the movie scrambling to get his family, along with his ex's new squeeze cardiologist, away from the earthquakes and fissures in the earth's crust which are quickly forming and swallowing everything up in its path...mmmm...Linda Lovelace, mmmm...swallowing, mmmm... crusty.

Hey Cusack. Yeah, It's a call for you. Chuck Heston just telephoned from the crypt and wants his fucking movie back!!

This predictably lame-ass-ending finds John and family safely on one of the arks after they are smuggled aboard by one of the workers on the "ark project".

So let me get this other thing straight.

Cusack, an out of work, nobody author, much like King Hippo, who spends most of his days passed out on his couch in a drunken stupor - performs one heroic, perfectly-timed, miraculous feat after another - including, as a stow away, successfully fixing one of the arks, so its entire crew, cargo and survivors don't go down to a watery grave??

That's on the level of having Stephen Hawking saving you and your inbred white trash family from the end of the world - while remaining in his wheelchair and using nothing more than his chin and a circa 1985 Atari joystick.


I mean, "ground opening up and swallowing everything around you?"

NO PROBLEM! I have a car that FLIES!

How about, "need to travel three quarters of the planet to make your connection while traveling in a single engine Cessna?"

NO PROBLEM! I'll just trade up to an Antonov AN-225 at my local commuter airport!

Or, "had to crash land at the base of Mount Everest in minus 70 degree temperatures?"

NO PROBLEM! We're all wearing Under Armour! Plus, it's summer!

If this ever really happens to the world, I'm glad I believe in MY God. Because if I have to be cooped up with you bunch of elitists, leftists, politicians, entertainers, mobsters, and Jew hollywood producers, I'll take my chances in a rubber dinghy, a six pack of Corona, a bag of beef jerky and your 16 year old kid sister.

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