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FLIGHT -…Aka Coffee, Tea, or Immelmann Rolls, Sir?


By King Hippo - Posted on 24 November 2012

Have you ever wondered about people that you know who function just fine even though they are raging alcoholics and/or drug addicts? You know… the fun/social/engaging person that always needs to be driven home after an evening at Katie's Bar, but come the next morning is raring to go.

You know, that certain "type A" personality who needs a pill to wake up, a pill to stay awake, a pill to go to sleep, a pill for aches and pain, a happy pill, a pill to get his dick hard,and several pills throughout the day to take care of his actual medical problems? And on top of that, mixing everything with healthy doses of alcohol and Red Bulls. Yeah, we all know people like this...some of us more intimately than others.


...And the question always nagging you in the back of your mind? "When...when...when is this jackass going to finally make a mistake and wake up to find that his dick doesn't get hard anymore on Mexican Viagra?

Well, strap in folks, as "Whip" Whitaker takes you on the airline ride of your life. Denzel Washington portrays our high functioning alcoholic commercial pilot in one of his better performances in recent memory. After a night of drinking and debauchery with flight attendant (I was going to use the word "stew" but this word is on editor Dan Cedar's PC "banned" list of words that feminist equate to the word "cunt") Nadine Velazquez.

This review is now interrupted for a classic King Hippo digression. For those of you who never watched My Name Is Earl… other than the hilarious premise and non stop laughs, you missed Earl's motel maid, Catalina. Aka Puerto Rican hottie
Nadine Velazquez.

And if you didn't think she was hotter than hell THEN, you will NOW. With full frontal nudity. An ass I would eat on a daily basis. The perfect body. A 10. Yes, she is hotter than Jaime Pressly, you buck toothed inbred hillbilly rednecks.

Now, back to the review.

Washington's luck runs out as he boards the plane in which he will soon find out, has mechanical problems.After take off, Washington loses control of most of the aircraft's flight mechanisms. But through quick thinking and stunt piloting, he manages to crash land the plane in an empty field with only six lives on board lost.

Hero, right?

Wrong.

The NTSB takes over. Now, I know that I shouldn’t have to explain that acronym. But, considering the fourth grade education that the average SarcasticMovieReviews.com reader is blessed with and whose instinct is to take any unknown acronym to Urban Dictionary…where they soon discover that NTSB stands for “No Titties, Some Booty”...

Which, of course, makes no sense in this context.

So, more wasted space in this review is spent having to answer to the TMZ Generation….”Gee, King Hippo, What is the NTSB?

Well, you dim-witted, welfare recipient, whose vote shouldn’t have counted if you produced 26 forms of identification proving that you were a registered voter, here ya go…The National Transportation Safety Board,is yet, one more, of the deified government agencies which, we, the American public, has allowed to tell us how to live, die, lay or pray, ever since that handicapped Communist, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, took over as president. Basically the NTSB investigates plane crashes during the day and conspiring with the OSS and CIA….to hide the fact that Area 51 has concealed four foot, green, doe-eyed, aliens from the American public since 1941.

But, once again, The King has digressed…

Back to the Movie…And after a thorough investigation,
the NTSB discovers that both Washington and Velazquez were loaded before take off. And of course, the pilots' union scumbags step in with their scumbag trial lawyer to try to get Washington off the hook, despite knowing that he is an alcoholic coke addict. The movie then devolves into an introspective battle between Washington and his addictions, including, as it appears, white women who will fuck him.

Moral of the story?

Black, drug addicted, alcoholic, commercial pilots can do whatever the fuck they want. As long as they don’t go snooping around Area 51.

And no, you Urban Numbskulls…OSS doesn’t stand for “Obligatory Sex Scene”.

King Conspirator



4 Nay bobs for FLIGHT



10 Nay bobs for Nadine Velazquez' ass

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