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HELEN THOMAS TO PURSUE ACTING CAREER


By King Hippo - Posted on 17 July 2010

(Washington, D.C.) Helen Thomas announced that she will attempt a second career in fulfillment of a lifelong desire to be a Hollywood actress. This surprise revelation came on the heels of her abrupt resignation as white house press correspondent which dated back to her first newspaper article describing the battle between the USS Monitor and the CSS Virginia in 1862 during the civil war. This - in the wake of controversial anti-Semitic epithets made by the decades old spinster and white house press fixture.

Asked if she actually had any acting offers at this point, Thomas replied, "I have feelers out there. I've spoken to Director Rob Reiner about a remake of his surprise box office hit, The Princess Bride. He said that he may have a spot for me opposite Billy Crystal who will reprise his character Miracle Max. I would, of course, play his wife, Valerie."

When asked to elaborate, Thomas went on, "Rob told me that I wouldn't even need any makeup to play the role - which is fortunate for me as I have very sensitive skin."

(When queried about playing a character opposite a well known Jewish actor, Thomas replied, "Of course I wouldn't have any problems in a scene with a Jew, that's why it's called ACTING!"

Thomas also hinted at another George Lucas Star Wars prequel trilogy in the works in which she has been offered the role of a young Jabba the Hut.

Thomas has other ideas, “I would, of course, be playing the great-grandmother of Princess Leah – chained and wearing her familiar gold lame’ bikini. The only problem with that one is that George told me that I would have to disrobe while in character - which I don't know if I'm quite ready to jump that hurdle yet. But, who knows? I think that with several movies under my chastity belt, I may become more comfortable doing nude scenes as time goes on.Several well known actresses banked their movie careers into a Playboy centerfold. If I play my cards right, the sky's the limit."

Thomas continued, "Peter Jackson called me yesterday with his plans for the fourth installment of the Lord of The Rings which he is writing himself. He asked me if I was interested in playing opposite John Rhys-Davies as, his character, Gimli's twin brother."

Asked if playing wart-encrusted medieval crones, oversized drooling land slugs, and borderline male trolls would ultimately typecast her, Thomas replied in her typical sarcastic tone, "I'll have you know that I've been offered a leading role in a comic book adaptation movie, much like Spiderman and Superman." Asked if she was at liberty to disclose the title of the comic book at this point, Thomas deadpanned, Hansi,
The Girl Who Loved The Swastika
."

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