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LINCOLN - Aka…So, The Guy That Freed The Slaves was a Republican?

By Old Dan Cedar - Posted on 25 November 2012

So, you know these losers whose whole life is built around figuring out when the Stand Alone Moustache (SAM) is going to be revived? Like the good old days, in the 1970s, when all the cool kids and porn stars were doing it.

Well, at one time… your good friend and movie reviewer, Old Dan Cedar had this affliction. I held on to my SAM until mid-2002 when my “Title VII Boss” said, I “was still holding on to that 70’s Porn Look”.

Ashamed by my lack of hungliness and chest hair…I vowed to send SAM to the shower drain, until which time, the trend caught on again. Hey, I have always been a big fan of gospel, blues, jazz and Shaft, but I guess the 'Richard Roundtree' look wasn’t doing it for her anymore.

Which brings me to slavery and The Emancipation Proclamation
and The Thirteenth Amendment. And the persistent cajoling, arm twisting and flat-out brilliance of bringing a lame-duck congress in and using the genius of the great Abraham Lincoln, to right the wrong, of the greatest moral outrage that this country had ever seen…up to THAT point.

But, excuse me for being an ignorant redneck, but I thought this Lincoln guy was a Democrat. I mean, how can ninety-five percent of African Americans be voting for Democrats??….Unless, unless…either the Republicans have lost their empathy towards their brethren brothers.

Or, maybe…maybe, the Republicans meant that “Emancipation”
meant that everyone WAS FREE...Be they white, brown, pink, yellow, born, unborn, mustached or unstached.

Everyone WAS FREE to succeed or fail on their own accord….NOT that EVERYTHING was going to BE FREE going forward. (Reminder....for you limp dicked retards of President Obama’s theme in 2012…Forward.)

Which brings me to the end of my rant and the beginning of the movie…Lincoln.


He knew when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em. He knew when to use people with his strength, his perceived weakness and with his wit. He knew when to break the damned constitution for the good of the Union. Or if he just needed some presidential emancipation from his Nutty Wife.

We see that in the movie. Arm twisting, bullying and the ability to compromise…even if he didn’t get what he wanted in the short run. And timing…impeccable. When a lame duck congress was seen as an opportunity. Not an excuse. Ron Jeremy couldn't count down his sexual apex with any more precise timing.

Daniel-Day Lewis is your Oscar winning best actor.

Spielberg picks up another Best Director Oscar.

Lincoln is the Best Picture of 2012. I know we have five weeks to go, but the nuances, the depth and the insight are imparted with a wink here, and a nod there.

There aren’t any CGI effects or aliens for Spielberg to hide behind. Not even a Nazi. Just a great man marching this country towards its destiny. Its moral obligation. Its dutiful destiny to be the greatest country that has ever existed on earth.

Lincoln is not, to put it succinctly, everything President Obama is. Namely, Arrogant…Pompous…Condescending…Blusterous…and without a backbone.

The new “Forward” is back and to the left. You can be assured of that….after listening to his blabbering puppet of a Vice President. Both Doof and Vice-Doof promising giveaways that can only be earned by not achieving a damned thing in the process. Promising to tackle the Evil Republicans of Wall Street. And not prosecuting a god damned one of them in the process. Voila! Re-election.

Was this election was flat out stolen…hell if I know. But, just remember that when there was no federal income tax and few government giveaways…you could walk up and actually speak to the president.

Then a guy with a SAM snuck into Ford’s Theatre and ended HOPE.

And no jackass with a teleprompter is going to bring that back.

If Old Dan Cedar has learned only one thing in life…it’s that the first guys to bring back the SAM are the NFL field goal kickers. And if you aren’t a fan…take my word for it.

Note to Barry: The morale of Lincoln is, for you and your ilk, to keep your head on a swivel, invest in a bullet-proof, Kevlar top hat and keep an eye out for loitering porn stars and field goal kickers. The SAMs are back and to your left.

Oh, and if you grow a testicle in the next month…use it.


It’s a lame duck congress. Not a fucking lame duck president. Fix the fiscal cliff, you fucking impotent Hedgehog!!

Five Naybobs

Old Dan Cedar

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