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NAMBLA to Form Strategic Alliance


By Ian Specter - Posted on 28 September 2010

(San Francisco) - NAMBLA president emeritus Stuart Smalley announced today at the Bi-Weekly San Francisco Gay Pride Parade that NAMBLA has been in discussion with several other civil rights groups to unite several wrongly maligned associations into a cohesive bloc.

Smalley announced his plans after being inspired by President Obama's appointing of Marv Albert as Cross-Dressing Czar, late Thursday evening.

In light of the recent prosecution of decades old scofflaw pedophile Roman Polanski, Smalley was asked if his plans were possibly premature at this time. Smalley's reply, "Was the sixties the 'right' time for blacks to assert their rightful place in society?"

"Was the nineties the 'right' time for homosexuals to come out of the closet and demand equal rights?"

"The answer is that there is no 'right' time.”

“There is strength in numbers. I believe, with our alliance, we have the constituency to push for recognition of our legitimate causes and interests."

This reporter then queried as to the other members of his "strategic alliance."

This reporter was then required to show press credentials and deny any association with HUAC (House Un-American Activities Committee) or Joseph McCarthy. I assured Mr. Smalley that the committee was abolished in 1975 and Senator McCarthy has been dead for over 50 years.

"Well," Smalley added hesitantly, "We have come to preliminary agreements with NAMSLA, NAHSLA, NAMCLA, and MFSSDLA.”

When asked to elaborate on the multitude of acronyms, with an effeminate sigh and a Frenchman's wave, Smalley recited, "North American Man-Seagull Love Association, North American Hillbilly-Sheep Love Association, North American Mortician-Corpse Love Association, and the Mexican Female Sex Slave-Donkey Love Association."

Smalley was then asked if he thought there were enough people in these organizations to effectively lobby for recognition. "Did Harvey Milk get on the San Francisco city council right off the bat? He had to start somewhere, right? We're on the ground floor here and there's no where left to go but up!"

When this reporter reminded Smalley that once Harvey Milk got to his lofty position - he was murdered.

Smalley shot back with "Are you threatening me?"

Followed inexplicably by, “I am not a Red!!"

Asked if his alliance would be courting other groups fighting for legal recognition such as polygamist sects of the Mormon Church, Smalley rolled his eyes and sarcastically dead-panned, "We are NOT interested in associating with freaks!"

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