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Spanx To Market New Product This Fall


By Ian Specter - Posted on 29 May 2012

Atlanta GA - On the heels of the recent Time Magazine 100 Most Influential People Awards Dinner, Spanx founder Sara Blakely held a press conference to announce the addition of a new and innovative compression garment to complement her renown blockbusters Spanx and more recently, Assets. Her products have been seen on the Oprah Winfrey show and her story is a modern day American rags to riches saga, drawing raves from women and fat transvestites alike. Blakely stated that until the fateful meeting with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton at the awards dinner, she had no idea such a product was economically feasible. But after a discrete physical exam of the former first lady in one of the private unisex disabled persons bathrooms, Blakely has announced the forthcoming release of Spanxles.

Touted as the miracle cure for cankles, Blakely was unable to contain her excitement. "It is a historic day when the former first lady of the United States of America is utilizing all THREE of my products at once!" I know you wouldn't guess it, but Hillary is already a diehard fan of both Spanx and Assets! In fact, our 'Baby Got Buffalo Back' sized Spanx was specifically tailored for Ms. Clinton. Prior to her request, there was no such Spanx size available. When asked about the sizes of Spanxles that will be available, Blakely said that paper sizing cutouts will be provided in store and printable online. "The potential customer will slip their foot through the cutout and hold it where the base of the calf usually transitions to the ankle - that will determine their size."

"In total, there will initially be five sizes. Because the Spanx brand is a world leader in animal rights, we have dedicated the Spanxles line to herbivorous mammals. Our most popular sizes will probably be from the Pachyderm Collection which includes size Elephas and the slightly smaller Loxodonta. For women of a more moderate cankle build, we have the medium sizes Hippopotami and the Rhinoceri. For the petite figured cankle, we have the Tapiri size. We have purposefully tried to stay away from 'number' sizes as this usually has a negative connotation."

In a related story, Aerosmith, after assuring everyone that the entire band is, once again, "completely drug and alcohol-free", has approached Hillary Clinton to do a remake, ala RUN-DMC style, of their 70's chestnut "Lord Of The Thighs".

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