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SHUTTER ISLAND - Aka…Shitter Island

By King Hippo - Posted on 11 April 2010

First off, let me just say that I like Martin Scorsese's pseudo film-noir style of cinematography, which include classics such as Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, and Goodfellas. He evens directs a mean documentary, No Direction Home and Shine a Light. And to be honest, he's really never had a full fledged turd in his arsenal of movies. Unlike this website’s reviews.

Shutter Island falls in line with his other middle of the road movies and it's NOT a full fledged turd...but as Peter Griffin puts it, "it's starting to crown." The visuals are great, the characters are well developed, the story has an interesting premise, but MY GOD, the pacing/editing is horrendous!

Scorcese has six more movies in production and I truly believe his is trying to finish them all before he sucks his last gasp. He was born after Pearl Harbor, but when I see him or hear him speak, I would swear that he was in Woodrow Wilson’s cabinet. Or, J. Edgar Hoover's closet.

I think the Shitter’s previews were misleading as well. I was expecting a few more shocks and thrills, but what I got was a bunch of yawns and an uncontrollable eye tic. Of course, that could be inexorably ascribed to my mom’s daily 60 Lucky Strike routine while I was in utero.

Fellow Dago and extremely effeminate, alleged heterosexual Leonardo DiCrapio plays Teddy Daniels, a 1954 era US Marshall on the way to Ashcliffe Hospital for the Criminally Insane. It's located on an ominous island off the coast of Massachusetts which was once a fort. And no, this wasn’t the place that the Kennedy Clan dumped political antagonists for lo, those many years.

Daniels has a new partner,Chuck, ably played by Mark Ruffalo, who we later find out, isn't who he says he is (early visual hints in the movie should tip off those of you who are minimally observant)...which leaves the viewer twisting in the wind.) Let me know if you want some “personal” contact with this reviewer via email and I will guide you along.

Daniels is there to investigate how a missing patient, Rachel Solando, who disappeared one night from her locked room. His partner, Chuck, wonders why a pair of US Marshalls has been sent to investigate. It seems below their pay grade.

Let’s remember that there are verified Commies in the federal government at this time, Jesus Christ!!

Daniels replies with a convenient explanation that this is the next step for a promotion within the department. I call this a bullshit excuse to forgive gaping holes in the narrative.

The snail race begins with Daniels' interactions with the medical and guard staff, as well as the inmates themselves. It seems that every question and search leads to a dead end. Much like my unanswered requests from governor Schwarzenegger to expunge my 1978 conviction for exposing my nether regions to Roman Polanski’s “girlfriend”. She fucking begged me…Or like my repeated requests for Barack Obama's alleged "long form" US birth certificate...but I digress.

Ok, here's my next nomination for best supporting actor (luckily, word is there will be 20 nominees for, said category, in 2011) - Max von Sydow as Dr. Naehring. He's high on Daniels' "questionable’s" list and Daniels' suspects Dr. Naehring as being one of the Nazi doctors who fled Germany to continue their nefarious and illegal experiments on institutionalized patients. No, not Nazis who were cool and helped us build NASA and beat the Reds to the moon.

Ah, von Sydow did such a marvelous job, I found myself daydreaming of being a Nazi MD and performing a transrectal prostatectomy on Dan Cedar with a dull switchblade and an egg beater only to find out that Dan Cedar is really a hermaphrodite. Oops, sorry to let the cat out of the bag, Dan.
Maybe you’d also like to see my nether regions, hmmm?

As Daniels gets on the slow train to No-Wheresville, his flashbacks start to clue the viewer into his mindset. But for every question it answers – a new question occurs. That is – unless you are a member of the banal pabulum that this film was marketed to. You wouldn’t know a dangling preposition if it was Dan Cedar's shrunken teabag dangling on your tongue. Which means that you may be enticed by some wine and Quaaludes. See, King Hippo, can read your mind and I know you want me!

The twist ending is amply explained through a series of flashbacks, which in my opinion, treats the viewer like a Dan Cedar...oh, sorry - a moron.

Despite the extended explanation, Daniels' final act is a lucid one, however subtle it may be. Much like this review.

Email The King if you’re interested. Must be between 5'0" and 6'2", no more than 120 pounds, and last name "Kunis."

King Hippo

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