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Old Dan Cedar’s Top 11 Movies of the Decade (2000-2009)

By Old Dan Cedar - Posted on 06 March 2010

I know you saw Spinal Tap if you’re a reader of this website.
So, in that spirit – I give you my Top 11 Movies of the past decade.

I can only pray that some of my insightful geniusness rubs off on your taste-forsaken ass!! I have thrown in a movie quote for those of you too dulled into oblivion on Xanax to remember most of the details.

Snap out of it – you Dungheep of Duhhhh!!

1. Memento- The story of Leonard who can’t make new memories and seeks revenge in the death of his wife. Brilliant movie with a great ending – even if it IS at the beginning. A perfect melding of the distortion of the time/space continuum, murder mystery and psychological thriller.

“What's the last thing that you DO remember?”
“My wife...”
“That's sweet.”

2. Lantana- The story of 3 couples. Love, Deception and Trust wrapped around the death of a daughter, the grief that follows and the disappearance of a quasi-celebrity psychologist.

“He didn’t do it, Jane.”
“How do you know?”
“He told me.”

3. (500) Days of Summer – The story of Tom and Summer and their 500 days together. Presented in a non-chronological manner - this movie touches the highs and lows of a single relationship that is relatable to anyone that has been in love and out - for the first time.

“Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate.”

4. The Wrestler – The story of a former wrestler, Randy “The Ram”, years after his heyday. Randy is repentant for his past personal failures, while still trying to hang on to the intoxicating fame of his past. They say an athlete dies two deaths. The end of his athletic omnipotence and his actual demise.

“You're my little girl. And now, I'm an old broken down piece of meat... and I'm alone. And I deserve to be all alone. I just don't want you to hate me.”

5. Clerks II – The story of two guys that used to run a convenience store and now work at Mooby’s burger joint and are still trying to get their shit together. The most politically incorrect movie ever. But it has a sweet heart and a great tribute to the music videos of the 80’s.

“Have you become so embittered that you now feel the need to attack the handicapped?”
“What handicap” The guy’s just in a wheelchair. It’s not like he’s Anne Frank or something….”
“Anne Frank?”
“Yeah, Anne Frank. The chick that was all duhhh, till the miracle worker showed up and knocked some smarts into her.”
“You're talking about Helen Keller.”
“No I'm not, I'm talking about Anne Frank. She was deaf, dumb and blind.”
“No she wasn't. Helen Keller was deaf, dumb and blind.”
“Are you sure?”
“Then who the fuck is Anne Frank?”

6. Lord of the Rings (2 Towers) – The story continues following the hobbits with the ring and several fake endings. But it’s easier than reading the book.

“He wants the precious. Always he is looking for it. And the precious is wanting to go back to him... But we mustn't let him have it.”

7. Y Tu Mama Tambien – The story of a Mexican Ménage Road Trip with an underlying impetus. The only way it could have been better is if there were two teenaged girls, a middle aged guy and I didn’t have to read the movie. You say tomato….

“Who cares who you two fucked when you come that fast!”

8. Best In Show – The story written by Christopher Guest and brought to life by his brilliant cast gives an inside look at a dog show which lovingly makes fun of all of its characters while making me a fan of what I thought to be a boring charade.

“We started this magazine, 'American Bitch'. It's a focus on the issues of the lesbian pure bred dog owner.”

9. Superbad – The story follows 3 high school (completely fucked-up) geeks through one night of trying to get girls drunk and themselves laid in one of the most hilarious surreal, outlandish comedies – ever!!
Not many lessons. Just good, unclean fun.

“Here it goes. When I was a little kid, I kinda had this problem, and it's not even that big of a deal. Something like 8% of kids do it, but whatever. It's... for some reason, I would just kinda sit around all day... and draw pictures of dicks."

10. The Lives of Others – The story set in the German Democratic Republic (GDR) beginning in the mid 1980s leading up to the Glasnost period. As a front-line member of the Stasi (Secret Police), Gerd Wiesler, is assigned to conduct surveillance, interrogate, and pass judgment on potential enemies of the state and his ultimate disillusionment with the system he is sworn to defend.

“Writers are the engineers of the soul.”

11. Harvard Beats Yale 29-29 – The story is a documentary of the 1968 Harvard vs. Yale football game. The side-stories told by the players 40 years after the game are incredibly interesting. One player roomed with George W. Bush at Yale. Another, Tommy Lee Jones, roomed with Al Gore at Harvard. Another player dated the greatest actress of her generation. And the Yale football team was part of the genesis of Garry Trudeau’s Doonesbury cartoon strip. Oh, and by the way…a great football game.

“Hang on to your hats boys and girls. Let’s just watch!”

So, hang on to your pencil dicks and clits - that is my list boys and girls. Let's just watch - you misinterpret and overanalyze my choices. As always, if you think that your Anne Frank ass can do better and don't want anything of substance for your worthless meanderings. Shoot Old Dan Cedar an email through the website. I will give you a shot at showing yourself to be a torrential retard. I consider myself a miracle worker and will straighten your deaf and dumb ass up!

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