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WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS - Aka...Sphincterpalooza


By Lady Spamalot - Posted on 14 November 2010

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps was directed by Oliver Stone.

WHAT HAPPENED OLIVER?? STONED???

Such promise sweetly resided in my little brain as it struggled to remember what made Wall Street so good, but then it gave up the effort of reaching back to the 80’s and simply remembered that it was a fucking good movie. Hey, Rip Van Winkle – wake up and come back to the present.

I fully realize that twenty years ago Michael Douglas and Charlie Sheen was a hot ticket. Not so much in the ‘10’s. Michael looks like a combination of an oncologist/plastic surgeon’s playground gone wrong, and Charlie? Well, we all have those days where we need to beat the shit out of our porn star dinner date back at the hotel. But his days have been more like years. Tack that pubic public, exposure onto the disappointment donkey tail, as well….

I think there’s a pun there, no?

PORN star. Donkey TAIL. As in getting a piece of tail? Which is like getting a piece of ass. Which brings us full circle to the essence of this movie - it sucked ass!

And NO!! Anal Lingus will not increase the climactic pleasure of this suck fest.

Flip over to the next page in your Kama Sutra Handbook, Ollie!

Pucker-Up, Anal Cup!

So there was my brain. All prepared to experience a slick Oliver Stone flick, but soon my senses were inundated with scene after scene of sappy acting with characters akin to the high-functioning downs syndromed woman running for Senator who couldn’t recite the U.S Constitution because she didn’t believe that Senators consulted the Fucking Constitution in their line of work.

I don’t remember her name…Miss Dumb Fuck or Ms. Stupid Ass, something like that. (NOTE: She didn’t win – we the people - got THAT one right.)

I wish I could say that the plot was better, but it was right there contributing to the Hoover inhalation of my nether regions. Good God, did Oliver even show up at the set?

Maybe he was getting the dailies while giving Hugo Chavez a rim job.

Seriously? I doubt this is a spoiler, but who didn’t see Gekko setting up the scam on his daughter from the Get Go?? And I’m sorry, but were we really supposed to believe that the boyfriend was going to outsmart Michael Douglas AND Josh Brolin??

C’MON!!

We have seen their fathers give us the “greatness” of Sea Hunt and Capricorn One. Apparently the shit-stained apples don’t fall too far away from the DefecatoryTree.

Give us, the audience, a little bit of credit! Sure, Jackass3D has been Number 1 at the box office lately, but that does not indicate stupidity of the masses! It just means that some of YOU like seeing stupid people doing stupid stuff for no reason whatsoever.

At least Jackass 3D blatantly advertises its stupidity. On the other hand, with Oliver Stone attached so blatantly to this movie….

But I digress…Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps lures the movie-goer in with promises of a smart, sexy and suspenseful sequel.

Once this movie-goer is pleasantly distended from her box of Junior Mints and settled in for said sequel - it tricks her, and instead sucks the next 133 minutes from her life via her anus.

HEE HAW!! HEE HAW!! [/angry donkey noises!]

Or maybe that is what a tantric anal orgasm feels like!

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