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ADVENTURELAND - Aka...Nerd meets Girl


By Abzug - Posted on 16 June 2009

A coming of age comedy where nobody actually cums.

Amadeus… Amadeus… Rock me Amadeus…

This song is repeatedly heard throughout this movie.
Hated the song then. Hate it now. There are a lot of Flashbacks in this jewel especially for a middle aged “previous stoner” he… he… white guy.

FLASHBACK…

    Working at Six Flags in 1978 and actually getting sick of the guitar lead in Eddie Van Halen’s Eruption which was incessantly played over the park’s speakers.

Set in 1987, Adventureland circles around a mom and pop Six Flags that serves as a place of employment where the benefits include getting high, drunk and laid. The main character is James Brennan, a curly haired pseudo intellectual teenage moocher who is informed that his parents will not be able to subsidize journalism school and needs to find work. James lands a job where his future undergrad degree can shine… announcing the play by play at the pony race in the Adventureland game section.

FLASHBACK...

    Sneaking out back of the “Chicken Plantation” at Six Flags for my first smoke of the enchanted herb. Ah...where were you the summer you’re your senior year?

James is surrounded by carnie freaks — the smell of cabbage is in the air. He is closely watched by the infectiously hot Em, played by Twilight babe Kristen Stewart. James is facing the reality of his situation by doing what every guy would do, hide his bulge with one of the game prizes, roll up some tree and the enjoy the burn in the back of the throat. James’ popularity grows as he pulls out the perpetually memorable Ziploc baggie of joints.

Getting high was (and is) a very respectable thing. As long as I don’t publish my real name on this website. Mr. Roebuck wouldn’t be happy with that little revelation.

FLASHBACK…

    Getting seriously wasted at a friend’s party and walking right through the screen door “Fred Munster” style — without missing a step for a few more bong tokes.

What my 13 year-old son Timmy doesn’t know — he can’t hold against me later. Namely, when his strung-out girlfriend hands him a crusty, used, HIV infected syringe full of black-tar heroin — after he runs away to live on the streets of Ventura Boulevard — followed closely by his methadone intervention.

But Timmy, we were just having a good time. It’s not a gateway drug. Timmy!!

Anyway… James winds his way through an eventually memorable summer.

He becomes infatuated with a roller coaster ride vixen and almost loses out on the opportunity with Em who is actually having an affair with a married older park mechanic stud that looks a lot like your humble movie reviewer.

Didn’t think they would leave out the romantic triangle in this thriller did you?

I would have rather jacked off to my Farrah Fawcett poster than have sex with my first black girlfriend because she didn’t have a clue what to do with her mouth. No flashback here. I will resist the temptation to brag about my amusement park Pink Thing.

Amadeus… Amadeus… Rock me Amadeus…

As the summer winds down, James works it out with Em and eventually (we are lead to believe) loses his virginity.
This movie is a tribute to whoever lived through a summer job during the 80’s when priorities were right: Drinking (sans Mad Mothers), avoiding getting racked by your best buddy, bitching at a friend who rolls thin joints and listening to the best music ever.

God Bless Judas Priest. Hell Yeah!!

80’s rocked!!

Uncomplicated music for an uncomplicated movie reviewer. Hell Yeah!!

Abzug rocks!!

Thanks for the well wishes on my recently celebrated 46th birthday!! I have found that I have a turn “back the clock” mind, but recently the folds in my middle aged body have forced me to begin using Right Guard Gel in the void between my bulbous thighs and sagging middle-aged balls to rid myself of both the milky-white lather and its associated stench. Male menopause isn’t pretty, so…

FLASHBACK…

Wait!! No flashback here, just rolling a fattie and booting-up Internet Explorer to apply for as on-line posting as a stud park mechanic for Six Flags. Watch out girls!!

I am 46, studly and holding he…he…

What’s past is prologue.

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