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November 2010


INSIDE JOB – Aka…Roger & Me and Baby Makes Three sticky icon

Inside Job purports to be a documentary that was written, directed and produced by Charles Ferguson about the ins and outs of how the economy went into the shitter over the past 30 years - which began with the election of Ronald Reagan.

Hmmmm, seems an odd place to start since the economy was SO bad, and interest rates were SO high under James Earl Carter after the devil went down to Plains, GA.

….Ok, I get it, they didn’t ask my opinion. Just seems a little weird. Duly Noted?

It seems that – according to Inside Job - our bad economy was birthed by de-regulation and greed.

WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS - Aka...Sphincterpalooza

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps was directed by Oliver Stone.

WHAT HAPPENED OLIVER?? STONED???

Such promise sweetly resided in my little brain as it struggled to remember what made Wall Street so good, but then it gave up the effort of reaching back to the 80’s and simply remembered that it was a fucking good movie. Hey, Rip Van Winkle – wake up and come back to the present.

I fully realize that twenty years ago Michael Douglas and Charlie Sheen was a hot ticket. Not so much in the ‘10’s. Michael looks like a combination of an oncologist/plastic surgeon’s playground gone wrong, and Charlie? Well, we all have those days where we need to beat the shit out of our porn star dinner date back at the hotel. But his days have been more like years. Tack that pubic public, exposure onto the disappointment donkey tail, as well….

DESPONDENT OBAMA RETURNS TO U.S. ALIVE sticky icon

(Washington, D.C.) President Barack Obama returned to the White House today after completing his trip to India, Indonesia, South Korea, and Japan. He spoke to a throng of giddy pool reporters in the rose garden and expressed his dismay from his seemingly successful trip from some of the most dangerous places in the world.

Not wearing his American Flag lapel pin, and in his halted, stilted manner of speaking, the president said, “Quite frankly…I am fortunate to be alive. I have come to the conclusion -- that putting myself in harm’s way, in some of the most violent third-world countries of the world – at great expense to my adopted country while over-extending the ability of the Secret Service to protect my life – has turned out – unpredictably well.”

“I had every expectation of coming back to the White House in a body bag. I fully expected today - to be lying in state in the Capitol rotunda, having mournful Americans file past my lifeless, flag-draped corpse while news anchors across the world waxed poetically about what might have been - had I lived. I also fully expected to be in the presence of 72 virgins having given my life for Allah.”

HEREAFTER - Aka…Sixth Sense Kid Finally Gets Laid* sticky icon

*When writing this review
– Old Dan Cedar was apparently under the mis-assumption that Clint Eastwood’s new movie, Hereafter, was The Sixth Sense II. For full disclosure – this website has decided to publish Mr. Cedar’s review – however misguided and deluded.

When this reviewer, Old Dan Cedar, sat down for a re-visit with one of my favorite characters – the kid from The Sixth Sense - all grow’d up – some twenty years after he helped Bruce Willis remember he was dead. I was hoping that the kid might do the same for the anointed director of this paltry sequel. Yes, one Clint Eastwood.

It’s been a long while since his self-directed turn as gunslinger William Munny in the great movie – Unforgiven. And by the way, Mr. Eastwood, I put your stats in Deathclock.com. Seems that you’re about six years past your expiration date.

The Hereafter plot in a nutshell – The Kid from the First Sixth Sense is 20 years older, but doesn’t want to HELP dead people anymore. He just wants to IGNORE them and get laid. Did puberty REALLY change THIS kid THAT much? He seemed so committed to helping…

Oh, and by the way Mr. Eastwood, if you had bothered to go back and watch the first movie - you would have realized that the kid DIDN’T HAVE an older brother. But now, all of a sudden – Jay Mohr – appears out of fucking thin air to be his “successful” older brother. How many films has Jay Mohr been in with the great Bruce Willis? Take a look at the scoreboard Josey Wales!!

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In The News

PALIN PLANS FOR FUTURE - MONEY SHOT!!

Wasilla, AK - Today, soon to be ex-Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, announced more specifics on her puzzling decision to step down from her role as governor of Alaska.

Appearing at a press conference, that was ripe with double entendre, and fully heightened in four inch red, high heels, a black pleather mini-skirt and a white, ruffled, half-unbuttoned blouse – “Caribou Barbie” as some have dubbed her, came out with ordnance ablaze.

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