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February 2011


OLD DAN CEDAR'S BEST AND WORST MOVIES OF 2010 sticky icon

Old Dan Cedar’s Best Movies of 2010

  1. The Kids Are All Right

    I can hear you right-winged, homophobic droids from here. Walk over to your gun safe. Open the three combination locks housing your six Glocks, your 40 cases of hollow-point bullets and your 8 blocks of C4 and throw away your hidden book (How To Pray The Homosexuality Out Of My Son For Dummies) that you bought a few years back when your 4 year old boy shamefully admitted that his favorite color was pink. Watch this magnificent movie with clever dialogue and a wonderful story arc. This movie will help you understand – they are pretty much like us – in an entertaining, thought provoking, empathetic look at a gay relationship which also begs the question - Why the fuck would anyone actually fight for the right to get married?

  1. Let Me In

    I have NEVER thought that a remake of a movie was better than the original. I still don’t, but THIS restructuring of Let The Right One In - a subtitled 2008 film from Norway about a 12 year old outcast boy that has been bullied at school and his budding relationship that develops with a new neighborhood friend – played by Chloe Moretz - is just as good as the original. And that’s a hard hurdle to hurdle. The setting in this version has moved to Los Alamos, New Mexico. It’s haunting, yet naïve, and will touch you with its relatability to the unrelatable. To only describe this as a horror movie is a disservice. But horrified – you will be.

KING HIPPO'S BEST AND WORST MOVIES OF 2010 sticky icon

King Hippo's Best Movies of 2010



1.True Grit - It was hard for me to look at this film from an objective perspective as it's so close to the original which I loved. The superlative acting is what did it for me. And that sadistic rapist look when Josh Brolin first lays eyes on Hailee Steinfeld at the river - reminds me of the look Dan Cedar gives to every passing flock of sheep during a road trip.



2.Inception - As complex and detailed a movie that this was, it was still easy to follow as long as you paid attention. The editing and special effects were unbelievable. This blows away Christopher Nolan's previous Dark Knight.

THE SOCIAL NETWORK - Aka...How To Blow A Billionaire sticky icon

So, the scuttlebutt on this movie before it was released was that it was “not endorsed” by Facebook or its founder, Mark Zuckerberg. In fact, he was kind of pissed about it.

Right!!

How fucking stupid do you think the American public is?? Don’t answer that.

I have a better question. When was the last time that a guy whose name ended in “berg” – who was a mult-Billionaire – couldn’t get a movie killed in Hollywood?

Go ahead. I will give you 30 seconds to scan your temporal lobe.

Here’s a prediction for you. Hollywood will produce a “theatrical reimagining” of The Courtship of Eddie’s Father before they cock block any movie about a “Berg” with 26 Billion skins in the bank, without his say-so.

THE FIGHTER - Aka...Rocky VII (Only Good) sticky icon

I gotta tell ya, whenever there's a "new" boxing and/or sports related movie being touted, my first reaction is WTF?! Except for Raging Bull and Ali, I can't think of a worse genre to use for movie fodder. What's that? Field of Dreams? Was it really THAT good of a movie? Yeah, just as I thought. Take it from King Hippo. My half-Korean daddy didn’t even know what a baseball was. Maybe I am just bitter.

Anyway, I mean, what the fuck is the WNBA?! Why the fuck would anyone pay to see the equivalent of a good men's high school basketball team when you already have the elite playing in the NBA? Beats the hell out of me.

That's why you have roller derby - to give dumbass women something physical to do that they're actually good at. Can you imagine Raquel Welch starring in a movie about playing in the WNBA? I know she’s 70 – that’s not the point. Anyway, it's also why the best known pornstars are WOMEN. It's something that they excel at. Are you starting to get my drift? It's exactly the same reason why there should be no women in the military. It's exactly the same reason why women should not be given top hierarchical jobs. It's exactly the same reason why women should not do stand-up comedy or write on this website!

TRUE GRIT - Aka...Same Grit - Different Day sticky icon

This movie was quite an enigma for me, both in a historical and current sense. In the current sense - because it was directed by the Coen brothers and yet it is played VERY close to the original classic. You won’t hear that from the mainstream movie reviewers.

Because the industry that supports the Coen siblings operates under the Hollywood Law of Perpetual Motion which defined says, “When a person or entity generate more than 3 better than half-ass movies over the course of twenty years – they are eternally capable of only producing true works of genius and will henceforth be nominated for any conceivable year end made for TV award show – until their lifetime achievement statuette is posthumously presented to their grieving widow(s).”

THE KING'S SPEECH - Aka...The Coronation Of Porky Pig sticky icon

So, Old Dan Cedar’s prediction for Best Picture and Best Actor is The King’s Speech and Colin Fir…Fir…Firth, but obviously, these are NOT MY choices – just MY guesses. So, I take it as my sworn, solemn duty to tell you why – AS USUAL - Hollywood is WRONG.

What the Academy Awards have lately been reduced to is handing out golden statuettes for actors/films and directors producing movies about half-witted gimps, quirky mass murderers and the occasional glorification of turmoiled, homosexual artists and politicians, book marked by the occasional aged, terminally liver-spotted and infirmed actor that snatches an Oscar just prior to circling the posthumous drain.

Mr. Firth will get the award this year as an attempt to make up for The Academy not hoisting him on their shoulders after his muted portrayal of a closeted homosexual in 2009.

People of my generation tend to like to drift into “Good Old Day” syndrome.

Had Hollywood done the right thing – they would have pre-empted Who Framed Roger Rabbit in 1988 and given the great Mel Blanc the Academy Award that he so desperately merited before his untimely death at age 89.

THE GREEN HORNET - Aka...Where Is Peter Sellers When You Need Him?

Don’t judge a comic book by its cover – you racist, pre-judging, acid-dropping, cum gummers. Drop the binky. Let it harden in the shag carpet for a few minutes while I review movie, Joe. It ain’t Full Metal Jacket, but it will have to do for now.

I know what you are thinking. Boy, are we ass-dragging the bottom of the barrel, or what? I guess we've run out of every other comic book character to prostitute? I know that the Marvel and DC character movies have been pumped out at a Da Nang hooker pace, but this one is a little odd. Maybe the movie rights were cheaper to obtain, than say, Brother Power the Geek. Yeah, I know, Google it and come back to the review. I’m sure you have nothing better to do than researching King Hippo’s peripheral comic references to a misspent youth in my parent’s basement.

POLTERGEIST OF J.D. SALINGER UPSET OVER TUCSON SHOOTINGS sticky icon

The Catcher in the Rye” author J.D. Salinger blogged from his grave early this morning that he was “distinctly upset” that Holden Caulfield, 1950’s era ultra-hip colloquialisms, and his often blamed classic work of literature were not getting enough credit for the mass shooting in Arizona.

Salinger, reportedly writing with a 4G Sprint Evo smart phone scribed, “Mark David Chapman wasn’t a visionary, but at least he wasn’t yellow and he had a plan. And I am not going to clarify John Hinckley or Lee Harvey Oswald.

But this bullshit in Arizona???

How much fucking effort does it take to jot down a note and put a paperback in your pocket before you go out and rip off 15-20 Glock shots at a bunch of innocents?

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