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August 2011


STOCK MARKET TUMBLES ON TURKEY SALMONELLA FEARS sticky icon

(Punxsutawney) The day after the debt ceiling debate put the kibosh on the good times on Wall Street - The New York Stock Exchange grabbed the national headlines with their “Crisis For The Day” when it went into a free-fall of more than 500 points amid fears that an antibiotic resistant strain of Salmonella may threaten the nation’s financial stability. The outbreak could threaten more than a dozen family Thanksgiving dinners - if it is not quickly contained.

The CDC (Centers for Disease Control) has traced the problem to unsanitary conditions by a Jefferson County, Missouri turkey wrangler Ron Schump who claims that his common-law wife, Michelle Smith, had raised their turkey as her daughter.

The plague has already killed one person and made tens of people ill.

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PALIN PLANS FOR FUTURE - MONEY SHOT!!

Wasilla, AK - Today, soon to be ex-Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, announced more specifics on her puzzling decision to step down from her role as governor of Alaska.

Appearing at a press conference, that was ripe with double entendre, and fully heightened in four inch red, high heels, a black pleather mini-skirt and a white, ruffled, half-unbuttoned blouse – “Caribou Barbie” as some have dubbed her, came out with ordnance ablaze.

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