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October 2011


APPLE’S iPancreas5 DELAY PROVES FATAL TO JOBS sticky icon

(CUPERTINO, CA) The day after the disappointing release of the iPancreas 4S – Apple’s egomaniacal founder and CEO, Steve Jobs, succumbed to pancreatic cancer after a long, brave struggle.

The much ballyhooed iPancreas 5 was set to be released to try and save Jobs’ life via the wi-fi enabled device which was promised to cure cancer through iTunes.

Problems arose in the production of the iPancreas 5 when a large number of eight year-old children went on strike at the Apple sweatshop in the Shenzhen province of China where the product was being made. Jobs’ reportedly took a hard line approach in negotiations when he reportedly would not meet the kids’ demands for a 15 minute lunch break in their 12-hour day. Jobs reportedly said, “Let them eat yellow cake.”

But Charlie has apparently had the last laugh. The iPancreas5 will not be available until mid-2012.

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In The News

PALIN PLANS FOR FUTURE - MONEY SHOT!!

Wasilla, AK - Today, soon to be ex-Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, announced more specifics on her puzzling decision to step down from her role as governor of Alaska.

Appearing at a press conference, that was ripe with double entendre, and fully heightened in four inch red, high heels, a black pleather mini-skirt and a white, ruffled, half-unbuttoned blouse – “Caribou Barbie” as some have dubbed her, came out with ordnance ablaze.

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