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February 2013


KING HIPPO'S BEST AND WORST MOVIES OF 2012 sticky icon

After taking a well-deserved year off from compiling my best and worst movies of the year, your humble reviewer, King Hippo, has decided to grace you, my Minions of Morons, with your god given right, to worship at the King’s ignominious altar. And so, Without further adoo doo…I give you THE KING’S LIST…fresh from my vintage 1934 Smith Corona Typewriter…which accounts for the variable fonts below.

King Hippo’s Best Movies Of 2012

1. The Master - Philip Seymour Hoffman is just one of the best actors of our generation. To think that the first time I saw him, he had a bit part as a spoiled brat fratboy in Scent of a Woman. Who knew? Even Joaquin Phoenix impresses in this movie. I guess it was the hairlip's every sixth movie to lay off the ‘Ludes for six weeks and actually make an effort to act.

2. Argo - As much as I hate to admit it, Uber douchebag Ben Affleck actually directed and acted in a first rate movie. I guess Jennifer Garner is holding out on him. She must have seen the Seinfeld episode where George Costanza quit having sex and became a genius. Don't hold your breath for the crowning follow up - Affleck is just one strip club away from flushing it all down the shitter.

3. Zero Dark Thirty - I'm wondering if I rated this movie so high because my expectations were So low...or maybe Dan Cedar is correct in assessing Jennifer Chastain's acting abilities. Hell, who am I kidding, he just wants to fuck her. Fucking ginger...Editor’s Note: Jessica Chastain is the actor in Zero Dark Thirty. SMR has no idea who Jennifer Chastain is and/or if Dan Cedar wants to fuck her, also.

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In The News

PALIN PLANS FOR FUTURE - MONEY SHOT!!

Wasilla, AK - Today, soon to be ex-Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, announced more specifics on her puzzling decision to step down from her role as governor of Alaska.

Appearing at a press conference, that was ripe with double entendre, and fully heightened in four inch red, high heels, a black pleather mini-skirt and a white, ruffled, half-unbuttoned blouse – “Caribou Barbie” as some have dubbed her, came out with ordnance ablaze.

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