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THE CABIN IN THE WOODS - Aka...The Evil Dead III ( This is after the Evil Dead 2 but before Army Of Darkness...kinda like the meal between breakfast and brunch)

By King Hippo - Posted on 20 May 2012

The only reason I went to see this movie was all of the positive "buzz" I was hearing in the media, and not just from the "critics" but also from Joe Lunchpail. I also read where this movie is the redefining of the horror genre. REALLY? All this "movie" is is a conglomeration of every horror archetype ever created. There is NOTHING original or clever about this movie. It just happens to move seamlessly from the Evil Dead to Resident Evil to Halloween to Thir13en Ghosts. It can't even escape the Scream movies by involving people other than college teenagers. There's the jock, there's the stoner, there's the virgin, there's the slut, and there's the tortured soul.

Oooooh, so original! I had even money on The Breakfast Club breaking out.

The story begins by the jock getting his friends together to go camping one weekend at his cousin's cabin in the middle of BFE. (The editors of SMR have decided to take the politically correct high road with respect to the sensitivities of Muslims and force your humble writer to refrain from using the word "Egypt" in the same sentence as "Butt" and "Fuck.)" If the female SMR readers out there are interested to know what King Hippo looks and acts like, pay close attention to Marty...I know, you're already getting wet.

The creepiness (in the movie) begins when they stop at what appears to be an abandoned gas station. They are startled when Mordecai appears to pump their gas and insult their ladies. Note to loyal SMR readers: If you have wondered what the writer known as Abzug looks and acts like, pay close attention to Mordecai. They pull up to the spitting image Evil Dead cabin and the fun begins. The cellar door bursts open on its own and the gang head down to the basement where they find a treasure trove of weird items - supposedly hoarded by Curt's cousin over the years. As they sift through the miasma of oddities and ephemera, Dana decides to read aloud from a chapter of a book she picked up. This starts the gears turning and the fun has only begun...

Unbeknownst to the group, they are being observed by a 'higher power' deep in the bowels of the earth. And you only thought that there was no such thing as virgin sacrifice to appease the 'gods.' Geez, where the hell have YOU been? Depending on what item is picked up and explored in the cellar, determines what creep(s) the cabin visitors will encounter. Unfortunately for the group, Dana read a passage in the book that released the family from The Hills Have Eyes upon the unsuspecting campers. You don't need a creative mind to know what happens next – luckily for me.

The only problem I had with this movie was when the character Holden takes down a large heavy satanic painting which is hanging in his room only to find that there is a one way mirror that it's concealing. And guess what? Staying in the room on the other side of the mirror is the hottie virgin Dana. So, of course, Holden TELLS Dana about the mirror and they trade rooms.

WTF! If Kristen Connolly was staying in a room opposite mine with a one way mirror between us, when the weekend was over, you could just stick the painting back on the mirror with one finger when it was time to leave.

(Abrupt movie review ending.)

Three Naybobs

King Hippo

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