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A DANGEROUS METHOD – Aka…Keira Knightley Gets Mind Fucked


By Old Dan Cedar - Posted on 27 December 2011

Okalie Dokalie…We’re getting towards the end of 2011 which means, of course, that we are getting to the best movies of the year!!!

Now, just what does A Dangerous Method offer to the paying movie goer?

Psycho, Sexual, Sadism…check…good topic

Early 1900s…check…not too current. And thank God…not in the future

No CGI….check…nothing is really gonna happen…So why the fuck would we need computers? Of course…that didn’t stop the CGI histrionics in those god forsaken Sherlock Holmes movies and Three Musketeers remake from earlier this year.

Viggo Mortensen….check…this guy can win a Golden Globe for standing on a turd.

Keira Knightley…check…she’s hot and all, but…in this here movie she is described as a psycho-sexual mental patient…hmmm…ok…a bit suspicious…she can’t really act…she thinks she can…and I am in no mood to get cock teased for 90 minutes so that this chick can win an Oscar. But…the new Sundance Theatre downtown serves drinks and is a rumored great place to find swingers.

All right…I am in. My stomach is rumbling. I will just need 3 Knob Creek and Cokes and a Panini.

The plot: Drs. Jung and Freud (they were psychiatrists a couple of decades before Bob Hartley) have a little sword fight over a psycho patient. That is it.

I know what you’re thinking…Geez, that doesn’t seem to be a whole lot to go on and I have 300 hard core DVDs to fill my masturbation void at home…but if they are waiting until the last week of December to release A Dangerous Method…it HAS to be good. Right???

Previews done. Movie begins.

Pretty good start, but by about frame 17 of the movie…it all starts to fall apart. Knightley’s character, as has become de rigueuer with suckass actors - begins a flurry of changing accents in mid-sentence. Russian…maybe…then definitely English…followed by, possibly Portuguese. As a director at this point…one might want to do…maybe…what we call in the business…a re-take.

But, nope. “Cut and Print.”

O.K. She’s still hot and I am starting to catch a buzz from my Knob Creek. So, I am not giving up on this little turd pile just yet.

Jung, one of Knghtley’s psychologists, is slightly turned on by her…not because she has the table manners of a high-cheeked female human that has been genetically mutated with a famished wild Dingo.

No. Because she’s hot. And he suspects…a little kinky…after she tells him that she was turned-on when her pappy beat her.

NO SHIT…EINSTEIN???

Now if any man on the face of the earth doesn’t take this as an open invitation to copulate…I am calling him a queer.

Not only does Knightley’s character learn that she likes to be beaten and fucked at the same time…this little soirée magically turns her into an M.D by the end of the movie.

Voila!!

When this movie ended….I swear to you…ALL THE PATRONS in the theater looked around the…including a gaze back to the clickety-clack of the film room.

WE ALL thought the film snapped.

But, nope. The End.

Get out now…you fucking fucks.

And no…there aren’t any swingers at the local Sundance Theatre…Jackass!!

So, I am back with the creature comforts of my home made porn Xanadu.

Nice Panini sandwich by the way.

Diarrhea for three days running.

More likely…just a shitty movie that isn’t sitting well.

*Squirt*

Pretty hard to stand on that? Huh, Viggo?

1 Naybob

Old Dan Cedar

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