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FOOD, INC - Aka… Absolute Corn Corrupts, Absolutely

By Old Dan Cedar - Posted on 07 July 2009

When you see this movie — be sure to order a giant tub of popcorn,
several bags of candy and a giant Coke.

As you munch, crumple and slurp — all of the hipster doofuses that will be watching this film with you at the local bohemian art house — will snidely sneer at you throughout…

Chomp loudly, slurp hard and stay thirsty, my friend.
But beware; prepare to steel your stomach for the sum total.

This is a documentary about our food system.
Why it used to be great.
But how now (fat cow) it is BAD.
Because, of course, it isn’t natural.

Now, Old Dan Cedar has never rung the neck of a chicken, gutted a pig or driven a steel spike through the forehead of an unsuspecting cow — to initiate the family sit-down at the dinner table. So, maybe I am not real tied in to the home grown, pot fest that most of these film makers rely on to get their un-processed high.

But, mark my words, this is a great documentary which will no-doubt win the Oscar — come next spring.

We follow the production of chickens, cows, pigs and interestingly, corn and how IT has become the cheap staple of our diet and our food’s diet.

Everything — and I do mean — Everything — is made from corn.
Big Government, it seems, is in cahoots with Big Farm and Ranch Business.
And even though we are making tons of food and feeding millions of more mouths than was possible 100 years ago — we aren’t doing it the right way.

This is leading to livestock eating corn by-products. This, as Marty Feldman said in Young Frankenstein — is Abbie Normal. So, because we aren’t regulating the ranchers and making them feed grass to their livestock. This is leading to unnatural flora in the food supply. We are also pumping these animals with antibiotics — which, interestingly, is not killing the bacteria.

So, to over-emphasize this — we meet a little 2 year old boy who ate some hamburgers and died from E. coli poisoning. Truly a tragedy that I personally couldn’t deal with as bravely as his mother. Yes, goddammit, Old Dan Cedar has some feelings under this leather, calloused exterior.

This method of producing chow is also leading to a prevalence of Type 2 diabetes in our sweet, little old country.

The most unintentionally funny scene of Food, Inc. occurs when an organic free range chicken rancher is being interviewed. No, he is not a pimp — you, prepubescent, single-minded, sexually-preoccupied Igmo.

Anyway, Rancher Rick is dropping some antibiotic-free chickens headfirst into metal cylinders — presumably, only moments prior to their beheading. The pristine cluckers know that their penultimate moment is here — and all are echoing resounding, “No, No, No, No…..” Much like horrified Republicans surrounding their TVs as election returns rolled in last November.

I could yelp about this movie being made by a bunch of tree-hugging-communists trying to save the planet and bring changes via union influence to the despicable conditions in which these hapless workers toil, but that would be an over-simplification.

On the other hand, in the local paper, the day after seeing this movie, there was a tiny, two-sentence story about the very plant in Tar Heel, North Carolina that was vilified in the movie. It seems that the company has offered a new contract to improve working conditions that will be up for ratification next week. Hmmmm…

A point that is largely ignored is that all of the corn that goes to ethanol production was not just made to de-carbon-ify our little blue rock circling the sun.
No, it was done via government subsidies to help the mega-corn corporations make more dinero for all of that spare maze that we add to the petrol.

Another point that is largely overlooked is that mass producing food has always been revolting and dangerous for those on the front-line of that business.

The impact of Upton Sinclair’s 1903 novel, The Jungle, is brushed aside in less than a minute, although this is clearly THE unseen father of Food, Inc.
But who wants to hear how bad things were 100 years ago? Not this audience. We want to blame big government and big business of the last 20 years.

History, Shmistory…

But just for grins — 106 years after The Jungle, this movie also references employee “slavery”, lack of accountable government authority and the poor, vulnerable immigrants. Food, Inc. seeks many of the same honorable changes.

The strong constantly prey on the weak and those that are the greediest are the most corrupt. NO SHIT??!!!!!

And yes, there are huge problems.
You see this is a capitalist country. And we are all a bunch of greedy bastards that really just want to eat cheaply — damned our kids’ health and our own diabetes.

The problem is that big government and big businesses are STILL in cahoots to make money and get re-elected. It is called Democracy and Capitalism.

Just remember that the not so dearly departed Soviet Union had its own communal problems with hunger. In the early 1930s — after Upton Sinclair had blamed capitalism for all of the ills of society — between 2.5 and 10 million people starved to death because of Soviet policies that forced farmers into collective farms.

The movie’s given solution is that we should spend more money and eat organic. Vote with your pocketbook.

We also don’t dive much into the “When is organic, organic?” question.
But, I understand, it doesn’t need to be a 4 hour movie.

There is supposed to be a nice little, “We are the World” ending where everyone in the theater is supposed to hold hands, “And make the world a better place for you and me.” If only we could have reunited Quincy Jones and the gloved one together before the King of Pop fizzled out…we could have solved this crisis as efficiently as the starving African calamity was averted.

Instead — I dropped a, largely corn-born, methane crop dusting on the unsuspecting pods of socialism — dispersed throughout this little, local artsy-fartsy ocho-plex.

This movie could have also been titled,

It seems that these are — more often than not — the same folks that want to be in charge of your healthcare.

If you can’t entrust them with creamed, fucking corn – how do you feel about relying on them to treat your anal cancer?

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