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GET LOW - Aka...Hermits Are Scary People


By King Hippo - Posted on 28 September 2010

PeruSing the local entertainment guide, I was aghast at the dearth of anything approaching a watchable movie this weekend. After some arm twisting and coercion by an apolitical skirt, I agreed to Fight the traffic and non existent parking at the local "historic" firetrap of a movie theater because in this town of 2 million plus, the only place you can see this flick is at the – one - "artsy" theater.

Motherfucker!

There are a few pluses to this place - full bar service, a seemingly more intelligent crowd who can afford to leave the screaming brats at home, and the only scolding you get is a discrete sign at the box office requesting you to "silence" your cell phone.

Hallelujah! No "in your face" idiot "turn off your cell phone" ads masquerading as previews.

Get Low is a dark comedy set in the Midwest during the 20's featuring Robert Duval as Felix Bush, a self imposed hermit who has had little contact with the outside world for the last 40 years.

"How apropos," I can hear Dan Cedar's condescending blather, "a hermit writing a review about a hermit!" ...To which I direct you to Dan Cedar's review of The Wrestler- an eight time loser writing a review about another eight time loser.

After a visit by the local pastor, Bush decides that he better plan for his eventual demise with a celebratory "pre-death" funeral in which the entire town and surrounding counties are invited.

After rebuffing the local church for his burial needs, Bush finds himself in touch with the local funeral home's lackey, "Buddy." Don't people name their dogs "Buddy?"

I mean, the only "buddy"s I know is a dog and Dan Cedar's alias as he's being cavity searched by the fuzz in the parking lot of a local Hooters after trying to seduce the "sound man" of his favorite garage band.

He also used “Buddy Love” while trying to make time with his wife’s high school chums while she was drowning her sorrowful laments in a 2 liter bottle of Grey Goose.

Geez!! I wonder what she would have to lament????

But – enough of my yakkin’. Back to the movie. After a brief meeting, the funeral home's owner, Frank Quinn (Bill Murray) strikes a deal with Bush to assist him with all of the funeral celebration's details. The subtle and not so subtle humor requires the viewer to pay Attention, and thankfully this is the type of audience that allows you to hear the dialogue in complete silence...that is, until my four decade old companion's phone goes off with a text message...motherfucker!

At first I thought that she had a roach crawling up her leg but it was merely her feeble attempt to squelch the noise from her phone. Hmmm, I guess that sign out front made an impression on her.

Hey honey – next time let your Boyfriend know that you will be out of pocket for a couple of hours!! Is this the way you conduct illicit affairs??

Duh!!!

So – we aren’t having sex – yet!! Looks like I will be picking up my 28th copy of my favorite book from AmazonHow to have sex with a hermit - and get away with it, Duh!!

Most of the movie involves Quinn making arrangements for the funeral and Bush manipulating Quinn into doing everything, including his dirty work. Bill Murray should get a supporting actor nomination for his portrayal in this movie...yeah, I know! I'm up to THREE supporting actor nominations already!

Eat shit motherfuckers!

Anyway, at a particularly poignaNt part of the movie, “Miss Can't Read Signs"' text message Goes off again! I was waiting for Matt Foley to appear in the aisle, hiking up his ill fitting trousers, and screaming, "Wellll, lookee heeere dad!

Is that the Queen of Sheba? I guess she doesn't have to follow the rules like the rest of us!

Well, listen up missy! You keep thinking that you're better than everyone else and you'll end up like good old Matt - sleeping with a retarded cat, on a couch, in Dan Cedar's family room!"

Just keep it on the down low!

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