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THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE - Aka… Pleasing myself pleases me

By Abzug - Posted on 27 May 2009

I looked forward to this movie. I heard about Sasha Grey several months ago during a personal research project I was doing one late night using many of my cherished human behavior websites.

My personal thesis was a comparative analysis between, beautiful brunettes and their willingness to let their mouths be used as a sacred “discharge” hole for men, and the obvious “anything goes” blonde population.

After long, digit numbing research, the analysis was complete and my adoration of brunettes with long hair, a great ass, full lips, and sexy white tip fingernails continues to be visually reinforced on a daily basis while looking down at my crusty, calloused right hand. But I digress.

On this day, The Girlfriend Experience appeared on the large screen. This is good news since I currently have 29 Trojan horses infecting my hard drive due to my research.

Sasha plays an upscale hooker (Chelsea) with a boyfriend (Chris) who is in the know regarding Chelsea’s current career choice. They both play their roles perfectly as good looking dullards with little in common — except achieving their own personal objectives. World’s collide as emotions enter the scene.

Chelsea meets a guy (Mr. Big) on a date (of course, a professional date) for whom she develops feelings. He actually listened to this surfeited slut, showed some feelings and asked a few key questions of interest. All boyfriends, husbands, or any guy that wants to get laid — read the previous sentence again. And yes, Abzug knows how to use his Thesaurus function in Microsoft Word.

The hunter becomes the hunted. The customer wants to take her away to his home out of town for the weekend.

Chelsea decides to go and let her boyfriend (Chris) in on the plans, sans the obvious details of the trip. Listen up boys — when your hooker girlfriend leaves town for the weekend she might be doing more than Kegel exercises on said trip.

Chelsea tells Chris that this Mr. Big is “different” because he matches up to some bullshit numerology crap — which she allows to be her guiding light in decisions.

An Algonquin roundtable, this is not.

Of course, Chris isn’t 100% jaded to the world yet, so he doesn’t want her to go.

Ok, let me get this right, your girlfriend has your approval to disappear in order to assist rich guys living out their fantasy of the week, but you put your foot down for the weekend road trip? Chris, you’re being a pussy! Suck it up!! Your girlfriend is a fucking hooker. Order some room service.

Chelsea makes the trip and awaits the arrival of Mr. Big outside his second home. Big calls — he can’t make the trip due to some epiphany he has about his kids and the reality of doing a hooker. Hey, Big, kids don’t understand why daddy needs a hooker when he has a wife. Shut your big yapper!!

Chelsea’s world spins out of control with some weird ass emotional crap that I couldn’t figure out. What is this liquid discharge coming from her eyes? Must be allergies.

The flick ends with Chelsea visiting a Jewish diamond dealer whose idea of good sex is to hold Chelsea closely with his clothes on, moans and eventually releases. I vaguely remember a middle aged priest doing this to me when I was in 5th grade.

The beauty of this movie is simple: unknown actors keeping it real (unless you’re living under an internet rock and don’t know about Sasha). My only hope for my future is that I have the cash to buy a whore like Chelsea — not only when I want sex, but also when I want to talk to a plank of wood.

There is no real sex in this movie, but is loaded with visual teasing, which is ok with me because I have seen Sasha full tilt in a few personal favorites... No Swallowing Allowed, Grand Theft Anal, and Sasha’s tribute to racial harmony called White Chicks Getting Black Balled.

I had a Dream…

I think all the guys who came to the theater alone, (which, amazingly enough was the entire audience) would agree; we hope Sasha continues in mainstream and our other favorite stream.

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