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HANGOVER II - Aka…Of Trannies’ Tallywackers and Other Kinky Fucks

By King Hippo - Posted on 21 July 2011

Jesus, I knew that I was expecting too much from a sequel that had no hope of topping the original. Where the original was fresh and unpredictable, the sequel is boring and tawdry - like Dan Cedar when he takes to a stripper's pole at Heartbreakers Gentlemen’s Club in Dickinson, TX. Or Lady Spamalot’s “confidential STD screening” for the boys on the Southeast Texas Mavericks of the NBA D League that she annually recertifies in the “semi-private” lavatory of Nutty Jerry's Entertainment Complex in Winnie, TX.

The usual gang of idiots are all here, reprising their respective roles as hapless jackasses. A fraternity to whom I will be eternally bonded. How any of us have managed to advance our careers to this point – is beyond me.

But this movie was so bad that Paul Giamatti obviously took his cameo role solely for the paycheck. The only difference in this story is that Stu traded up from his harpy-bitch NASA-like girlfriend in the first film - to an Asianic hottie Thai fiancé.

Stu and his bride will be marrying in her home country, much to the dismay of the bride's father, who can't stand Stu and insults him at every opportunity. But this, of course, gives us another venue in which to re-hash the first movie outside of Nevada.

As per usual, Alan (Zach Galifianakis) manages to "roofie" the guys on the eve of Stu's wedding. Yeah, that sounds familiar. And as per usual, they wake up in a dingy room with no recollection of the previous night's festivities. As they retrace their steps, the viewer is given a grand tour of Bangkok's finest strip clubs, tattoo parlors, jails, and drug dens. This time, their goal is to find Stu's fiancé’s little brother Teddy, who has gone missing much like their buddy Doug in the original Hangover.

I must take issue with the movie's obvious slant that Bangkok is merely Las Vegas/Bunny Ranch on steroids. There is Soooo much more to this beautiful city than that.

King Hippo wasn't allowed to gamble OR partake of the Bunny Ranch's talent when I was 17 years old - HOWEVER, when I was a mere 12 year old, I was about to close a deal with a hooker on a Bangkok street when my mommy rushed up to put the kibosh on the agreement.

Hmmm, ok. Maybe the slots in Bangkok are a little "looser." And you are correct, Sir – King Hippo has had to ‘buy-it’ since I was in grade school and All In The Family sat atop the Nielsen ratings. Although I WAS able to saunter away with a quarter ounce of oregano prior to my mammy reattaching me to her sagging left teat.

Other than the cloned plot, the thing that bothered me most was the male junk swinging in your face every time you woke up from your catnap. Not only did we get an encore from Ken Jeong's Vienna sausage, but we got to see some of Bangkok's finest tranny tallywackers. What are they going to do to top this in The Hangover 3? Gerbils?

And yes, you are correct. King Hippo’s half-Korean, Uncle Ben’s Munching, Rice-Paddy-Daddy WAS in the military – which is where I get my right-winged disgust of any sexuality that is not from the viewpoint of a pre-pubescent heterosexual male and where I find MY disgust in ANY sexual predilection of the she-male or rodent-borne “variety”.

I only wish that at the end of this sequel that Stu had had ENOUGH of his future father in law's shit and let loose with a Sam Kinison/Professor Terguson rant about "pushing you rice eaters back to the Great Wall of China, then take the wall apart brick by brick and nuke them back into the fucking stone age!"

Furthermore, ‘Crystal’the Monkey gets my vote for best supporting actress.

And as Dan Cedar and Spamalot can attest; you don’t have to venture to the unseemly streets of Thailand to get your “Perv On”. Southeast Texas has MORE than its fair share of kinky fucks.

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