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Hawking finally admits to WOPR role

By Ian Specter - Posted on 03 April 2009

Oxford – In a long anticipated interview that is scheduled to air on The View next week, legendary physicist Stephen Hawking – whom has long suffered from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), admitted to Barbara Walters that he was indeed the voice of WOPR – the computer made famous in the 1983 classic movie War Games.

Hawking had long denied the rumor and was forced into admitting it after a recently published book by Jose Canseco.

Brian Wilson – of Beach Boys fame expressed a sense of “well vibrations” upon learning the news. Wilson had previously, garbledly denied the rumors that, in fact, it was he that had voiced the WOPR after a speech impediment which was brought on by decades of drug abuse.

By the end of the Walters’ interview –reportedly after over 2 hours of berating by Walters - Hawking began crying. The ever multi-tasking, Mr. Hawking, then made another candid admission that it was Babe Ruth, not Lou Gehrig, that he considered the greatest Yankee ever. Mr. Hawking’s nurse, Loretta Swit, dutifully sponged off his intermingled tear drops and saliva from his computer screen and joystick, so he could continue playing his game of global thermonuclear war while continuing the interview.

When asked for a comment, one-time co-star Matthew Broderick launched into a 30 minute diatribe on global warming.

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