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A Historical First: Someone Is Told To Push Head Into Ass

By Ian Specter - Posted on 19 May 2012

WASHINGTON - On Tuesday, behind closed doors, President Barack Obama, in so many words, told Vice President Biden to kindly insert his head back into his own rectum, bringing to an end the centuries long, unbroken record string of the phrase "pull your head out of your ass" that began when Gandalf the White castigated Lord Denethor, the last steward of Gondor, about taking action to stem the rising threat of Mordor and its allies.

Although the details are sketchy, Obama intimated that he's had enough of Biden's verbal gaffs and usurpation of Obama's authority. Besides the one-upmanship Biden has continually exhibited, most recently beating Obama to the punch with his acceptance of gay marriage, Obama has quietly confided in his advisory team that this "dildo with hair plugs" needs to keep his mouth shut with the upcoming presidential election a few months away.

Biden's most recent head scratcher came when addressing a group of liberal mind-numbed lemmings, that his parents always thought that he could be vice president one day. This seems to be the equivalent of aspiring to be the backup quarterback on a Superbowl winning team...or to be the sixth man on an NBA championship team...or to be Tiger Woods' caddie.

The following is a refresher course of random Biden's one liners in case you've lived under a rock for the last decade.

"You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent...I'm not joking!"

"When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened.'"

"Look, John's last minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs."

"If we do everything right, if we do it with absolute certainty, there's still a 30% chance we're going to get it wrong."

"His mom lived in Long Island for ten years or so. God rest her soul. And although, she's - wait - your mom's still, - your mom's still alive? Your dad passed. God bless her soul."

"I promise you, the president has a big stick, I promise you."

And last, but not least, speaking publicly to wheelchair-bound
Missouri state senator Chuck Graham, "Stand up Chuck, Let 'em see ya!"

And yet, we are lead to believe from all corners of this once great country that Sarah Palin was a doof.

Oh, well, MSNBC’s Chris Matthews is a few clicks away from proclaiming himself smarter than all of us, even after his last place celebrity Jeopardy performance.

Put your ass hat back on. The election is right around the corner.

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