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KNIGHT AND DAY - Aka…Mission Impossible meets match.com and SCORES!!!!


By Lady Spamalot - Posted on 17 July 2010

That oldie but goodie song, Breakin’Up is Hard to Do, had it all wrong. Breaking up is easy.

Now, finding “Someone To Love”, as Queen pleaded, is much harder. In fact, it’s practically impossible.

Oh sure, people marry their soul mates all the time. Or should I say, “soul suckers”? My parents are the epitome of two people who decided to tie the knot over 50 years ago and have happily sucked the life out of each other every single day since. Yours truly found not one, but TWO “soul suckers” to love, honor, cherish and divorce. So suffice it to say that – with a 30ml vial of ipecac in tow - I was prepared to forcibly vomit the entire time whilst watching Knight and Day a romantic/action romp starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz.

Going into this, I had no issue with Cameron. Who does? She is gorgeous, funny, and lights up the screen in every role. Tom, however, is a freak! Watching the talented actor from Risky Business and A Few Good Men turn into a “scientific” religious fanatic, divorce Nicole, and then jump on Oprah’s couch to proclaim his love for Katie was most depressing. I couldn’t HANDLE the truth! But then he did that cameo in Tropic Thunder and his weirdo barometer slightly wiggled to Less Idiotic Then Previously Believed. At least - that is - in his professional life.

Knight and Day opens with the back of Tom’s head and it just gets better and better from every angle. From the minute Roy (Cruise) bumps into June (Diaz) in an airport, the movie spins a yarn that includes murder and espionage; awkward social situations; and polite dialogues between Roy and June - all in the midst of gunfire and explosions!

It’s like watching James Bond meeting The 40 Year Old Virgin while practicing Pride and Prejudice. As the French would say, “Ménage à trois”!

No?

Maybe I am remembering some Latvian – from my 3 years of dipping my toes in the Greek Orthodox pool. Anyway – In any language - This is NOT your average romantic/action romp, people.

This is the Tom of Risky Business, donning dorky Ray Bans from the 80’s and flashing his famous blindingly white smile and piercing dark puppy eyes. Oh, and he has a rocking hot body, too, that we get to see TWICE! And for the guys, Cameron wakes up from a drug induced coma in a tiny red bikini – no need to tell you readers that, she too, has a smokin’ bod.

Bitch!!

But getting past all that eye candy, there is a script resplendent with wit and humor that is plain fucking funny.

Does this make me a fool to rave about a movie with Tom Cruise in it? Maybe…

I’ve been called much worse.

Bitch.

Whore.

Cunt.

Crack Whore.

Bitch Crack Whore.

Cunty, Bitch Crack Whore.

But ALL of the guys on that basketball team were a bunch of cheating son of a bitch two-timers. And don’t EVEN get me started on their posse of baby mamas! Talk about some “love suck-ahs”!

But you have to call it like you see it, and I see a movie that caters to both sexes in a tale as old as time. Two people are thrown together by fate (or let’s suppose, cold blooded calculation?) and then happenstance (or possibly, a tenacious assassin that is covering his ass and tying up loose ends) continues to bring them together, forcing them to trust each other (through comas, imprisonment and near-death-do-they-part car chases) and eventually fall in love (but only after a kidnapping with another drug induced coma!)

But still! It is LOVE, baby!

So yes, my Mission Impossible is to find that perfect match and score. This movie delivers in all three areas and makes finding a soul mate believable in spite of the odds that support a more “soul sucking” outlook towards love.

Maybe I should start on-line dating? Maybe I could Facebook the entire basketball team and re-connect with old friends? Better odds would be to go the airport and bump into every guy wearing 80’s ray-bans.

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