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Local Border Czar Makes Good


By Ian Specter - Posted on 22 April 2009

EL PASO, Texas - Border Czar to take on US/Mexican border crime. Mexican police, meanwhile, seize U.S. made weapons capable of a "massacre."

The very same day that President Barack Obama was to appoint a border Crime Czar to combat drug cartel violence, Mexican special assistant Pancho "Slim" Alarcon announced that the state police had confiscated four U.S. made crossbows capable of destroying a mature agave plant at 60 feet.

"This may well be one of the most destructive weapons of its type ever seized in Mexico," a visibly shaken Alarcon replied. The crossbows, Excaliber, "The Nuge" Ted Nugent signature models were mounted on hip slings enabling one person to simultaneously shoot two crossbows at the same time.

Mexican ballistics experts estimated that a crossbolt armed with armour piercing tips could easily penetrate a one inch thick stack of week old corn tortillas. "And you don't want to know what a crossbolt armed with hollow points can do to a watermelon," a distressed Alarcon said.

The discovery of the weapons in the northern state of Chihuahua serves notice that the drug cartels are ready for all-out war. Authorities have not yet said how the weapons were smuggled into the country, although an anonymous source speculated that a recent Ciudad Juarez concert by the aforementioned Nugent and subsequent peccary hunt may have been the source of the contraband.

Mexican officials have repeatedly said that if the U.S. government wants them to curb the northward flow of drugs, America will have to curb the southward flow of out-of-control, has-been, gun toting rock 'n' rollers.

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