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TEXAS A & M - COMMERCE BUMPER STICKER SPOTTED ON REAR WINDOW OF PICK UP TRUCK


By Ian Specter - Posted on 27 May 2012

College Station, TX - Grand Saline resident Otis Terhune was dragged from his truck and savagely beaten by an unruly mob of Aggie students following an extra inning baseball game loss to lowly division III whipping boy LeTourneau University. Apparently, Terhune was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He had just returned to his pick up as the hooligans exited the baseball stadium. Upon seeing the 'Commerce' sticker on his rear window, someone yelled out, "Get that fuckin' wannabe!" After the mob's bloodthirst was sated, they then proceeded to upend his truck and set it afire.

Interviewed while convalescing at St. Joseph Hospital in nearby Bryan, Terhune recounted the nightmarish attack. "I was minding my own business and had just gotten into my truck when a hand grabbed me around my collar and dragged me out through the side window!" "The rest is a blur, but I was well and truly beaten about the head and shoulders. I haven't received a thrashing like that since my pappy caught me diddling a newborn calf that I found in the north forty when I was twelve years old!"

Terhune concluded, "I have no idea why anyone would get upset about a 'My Child and Welfare Checks go to Texas A&M - Commerce' sticker. I don't see anyone getting their tail kicked over a 'Hook 'em Horns' sticker. I mean, my daughter is the first Terhune in the family to go to college - most of us usually go to work in the salt mine."

Outside the hospital, a well-spoken East Texan addressed the media for the mob , C.J. Hudson, said that he would try to organize this into a yearly event using Facebook and Twitter. Hudson added, “Now, I don’t even go to this college or whatever you call it. I was just tailgating with some buddies drinking some Red Stag, and it was on. But them folks in College Station don’t get to have their bonfire anymore…and dangit…that ain’t right. Traditions is what keeps us connected to the past. Next thing you know…there ain’t gonna be a Fourth of July for my boys to watch. And I just can’t let that happen.”

In a related story, the presidents of the division II and III schools in the A&M system expressed their displeasure at Texas A&M moving to the SEC. Prairie View A&M president Sheila Jackson Lee retorted that because of A&M's move, "now we're having to move to the Allegheny Mountain Conference to play a bunch of buck-toothed,
inbred, hillbilly crackers!"

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