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Obama Hints At Fourth Reich


By Ian Specter - Posted on 03 April 2009

Washington D.C. - Holding his third press conference regarding the financial meltdown facing The United States and following closely in the footsteps of a week filled with bizarre statements, President Barack Obama today attempted to reassure the nation that his administration is taking “every necessary step to revive the flagging U.S. economy.”

The president said that his administration would create yet another appropriations bill to aid the financially strapped corporation – AIG. Mr. Obama stated that “overhauling the banking, healthcare, automotive and housing infrastructure will allow his administration to create a Fourth Reich, which will bring a much needed $328 trillion additional dollars and will allow the American public to finally overcome the financial hardships placed on our country by the Versailles Treaty.”

When asked by a reporter about this apparent non sequitur, Obama answered, “246 toothpicks, there’s only 246 toothpicks”. This was an apparent reference to a statement uttered by Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man.

The President ended his statement by saying, “I want to assure every American that my administration will go to any and all lengths to solve this financial crisis.”

Obama then walked away from the microphone, whispered in the ear of his press secretary and re-approached the microphone. The president then added, “I will be replacing Secretary of Treasury Tim Geithner, with former North Carolina Tar Heels basketball coach Dean Smith.” The president further explained, “The Tar Heels are in the Final Four and that, my fellow Americans, is good enough for me.”

With that, the president pointed to an oversized button on his lapel that said, “I’m Up for Downs” and exited the room giving a thumb’s up sign.

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