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Obama Suggests Left is New Right

By Ian Specter - Posted on 22 April 2009

Washington D.C. - Today, President Barack Obama took the unexpected step to mandate that every American drive on the left hand side of the road.

In explaining, the president said, “In this case, Europe has clearly paved the path for our country to take – both figuratively and literally. Our country has clearly moved to the middle, and by middle, I mean the left.”

The hallowed savior of America continued, “this should save – plainly, billions of barrels of oil per day, quite simply, by reducing the radius on left hand turns. My fellow American’s this is, quite simply, the type of ‘out of the box’ thinking that my campaign promised during my candidacy for the White House. Without this type of thinking, America will be reduced to a Second World Nation.” Continuing, the president said, “Do you folks realize that this is one of the landmark steps that the European Union has implemented that has moved Europeans significantly ahead of Americans in reducing our collective carbon footprint?”

“This action, along with improving our improvement on nationalized healthcare and converting to the metric system will allow us to be the beacon on a hill that the rest of the world will seek to emulate”, said President Obama.

Washington D.C.’s tenured, local spinster and centuries-old Washington inside-reporter, Helen Thomas followed up with President Obama on his reasoning for his “Reforms of the Week”.

The president whisked aside Ms. Thomas question, saying that he had no time attending to “this junkyard of idiotic trivialities.”

The president then smiled that broad smile of his, winked, waved and said, “Thank you all and may God bless America. And by God – I mean who’s ever God in which each of us believe –or not.”

The president ended by saying, “I will be holding the next presidential address at The Hague.”

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