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PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2 - Aka...Aka King Hippo Projectile Vomits Again

By King Hippo - Posted on 23 December 2010

No, not from the movie, from that incessant jiggly "home cam" filming.

I know what you’re saying, “Geez, King Hippo – If you don’t like having your octogeneric tummy upset by this “new age cinematography” then - WHY THE FUCK do you keep going to these jigglefest movies –time after time – instead of just nuzzling against your newly purchased AK-47 and 1948 DC Comic book that you picked you at last week’s Comic-Con?

Why don’t I JUST flip the damned channel on the circa 1967 black and white Zenith TV that my dad bought – sit at arm’s length and flip over to another Monk episode re-run?”

Let me see if I can explain this to you imbeciles reading this article – I DON’T PAY FOR TV - IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE FREE. If the price of my solo trip to the theatre means I have to pull a pharmacy heist to get some phenergan suppositories – SO BE IT!


At least in THIS sequel, the "family" sets up several stabilized security cameras to monitor the premises after returning home one day - finding the house ransacked but mysteriously absent of any theft, save a necklace belonging to Kristi, which was given to her by her sister Katie - which we find out is her sister from the first Paranormal Activity movie.

This minmizes the "drunk holding the videocam" method of filming which is "all the rage" nowadays. Did you follow that? Did I actually use the phrase "all the rage?"

Geez, I need a drink, another sequel and some “alone time”.

Anyway – to my fellow Mensa members who saw Paranormal Activity and asked yourself - because, you too couldn’t get a date to this movie,
"Ok, so Katie and her sister were tormented as children by some 'entity', but what happened to Kristi?"

There's no answer to that question in the first movie.

WELLLLL, Paranormal Activity 2 answers just that query and takes a unique spin on the "prequel" and/or "sequel" that most profitable movies milk until all that's coming out of its teats is blood tinged smegma.

Paranormal Activity 2 is the "before" AND "after" Paranormal Activity 1.

Wow, what a concept!

Hey George Lucas! New way to pimp out your Star Wars franchise even more! Have parallel universes for all of your shitty Star Wars movies! Oh, and you and I will have words the next time we run into each other at the 2011 Comic-Con.

So, to clarify, the entity that possessed Katie in the first Paranormal Activity actually had its evil eye on Kristi first. Because, apparently, according to the family's illegal alien maid/au pair Martine, some family member in the sisters' past made a deal with the devil and promised the first male child born in the family.

Are you lost yet? Great – I will droll on – until your futility forces you to move on to another review or possibly another website. To HELL WITH YOU DAN CEDAR – I know that you are praying for the return of Abzug at this point.

But, I digress - then we find out that Kristi's son is the first male child born in the family in the last hundred years. What are the odds of THAT?!

They had birth control pills back at the turn of the 20th century? Really? I've just been informed by Dan Cedar that back then, the pills were called "coat hangers."

And furthermore, when was the last time you took the advice of some illiterate, superstitious wetback? Ok, NOT counting the advice I got
from that girl doing the donkey show at "boy’s town" in Nuevo Laredo back in 1999.

Anyway, Dad relents, and performs the Mexican spiritual "cleansing"
of his wife Kristi. Didn't they used to need a Catholic priest to do these types of exorcisms? Oh, my bad. I forgot that those priests spend most of their time "exorcising" the evil spirits living in the rectums of little boys. Why do you think they call it ‘The Rectory’?

Well, Dad is successful but, guess what? His rite of exorcism sends the entity into Kristi's sister Katie!

D'OH!!! Nice going Homer! Remind me not to piss you off!

And, as usual, the story leaves a lone survivor for another "sequel" - Dad's daughter from a previous marriage - who conveniently was on a "school trip" while the carnage was going on at the house.

Another "likely" coincidence.

About as "likely" as me going to see another sequel without my airline barfbag.

Now, if you’ll excuse me – I have to quit typing for a moment to re-wrap the aluminum foil on my Zenith’s rabbit ears while banging the shit of said TV – like my half-Korean father should have done to me – lo those many years ago.

King Hippo

Barely Three Naybobs

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