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Past Movie Reviews
By Ian Specter - Posted on 01 April 2009
- FASTER - Aka...(I Wish This Movie Would Go) Faster
- PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2 - Aka...Aka King Hippo Projectile Vomits Again
- SKYLINE - Aka...Déjà Shit All Over Again
- THE GREEN HORNET - Aka...Where Is Peter Sellers When You Need Him?
- WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS - Aka...Sphincterpalooza
- CYRUS - Aka...Blinding or Castration is a better option than suffering through this movie!
- DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS - Aka...Dinner at Dan Cedar's
- IRONMAN 2 - Aka...Downey gets out of the rest of these stupid fucking movies!
- Old Dan Cedar's Best and Worst of 2009
- THE BACK-UP PLAN - Aka...VAGINA! VAGINA! VAGINA!
- THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ALICE CREED - Aka...You Fight Like A Girl
- AVATAR - Aka…. Tranquility Base, Here. The Hippies Have Landed!!
- EAT, PRAY AND LOVE - Aka...Consume, Genuflect and Vomit
- PIRHANHA 3D - Aka...Big Titties, Junior Mints and Warm Beer, er...I mean BLOOD!
- 2012 - AKA…Chicken Little Shits His Pants Again!!
- ME AND ORSON WELLES - AKA….Anyone Under 50 Should Stay The Fuck Away
- CHOLE - Aka…Screw my Wife, Please! (The Cable Version)
- Old Dan Cedar’s Top 11 Movies of the Decade (2000-2009)
- UP IN THE AIR - Aka…Up In My Rectum
- THE BOOK OF ELI - Aka...Mad Max Rides Again
- WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE - Aka…Where The Shit Stains Are
- DISTRICT 9 - Aka…SEE, Apartheid DOES work!
- INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS - Aka…Tarantino Does The Dirty ¾ Dozen (Jews)
- King Hippo’s Best and Worst of 2009
- A PERFECT GETAWAY - Aka...Newlywed Game 2009
- DOUBT - Aka…Effeminate Heterosexual Plays A Possibly Pedophiliac Priest
- THE HURT LOCKER - Aka… I'm Really Getting Tired of These Mother Fuckin' Ragheads
- ADVENTURELAND - Aka...Nerd meets Girl
- ANVIL, THE STORY OF ANVIL - Aka…What the hell you doing with your pathetic life?
- FOOD, INC - Aka… Absolute Corn Corrupts, Absolutely
- PUBLIC ENEMIES - Aka… Public Enemas
- REVOLUTIONARY ROAD - Aka… Way to harsh my 1950’s mellow, you Insufferable Dreamers and Suburban Slutbags
- TAKEN - Aka...Die Hard IV, except with Liam Fucking Neeson instead of Bruce Willis
- TERMINATOR SALVATION - Aka...We'll Keep Making Them If You Numbskulls Keep Paying
- THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE - Aka… Pleasing myself pleases me
- THE HANGOVER - Aka…A day in the life of Old Dan Cedar
- THE WRESTLER - Aka… Yes, They Are Real and They’re Spectacular!!
- UP!! - Aka…HOW TO FIND YOURSELF WHEN YOU LOSE YOURSELF TRYING TO FIND YOURSELF!!
- ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO - Aka…Abzug pulls a Pee Wee Herman at the local Cineplex
- (500) DAYS OF SUMMER - Aka… (700) Days in Detroit
- A SERIOUS MAN - AKA… Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About a Jew...and Really Didn't Give a Rat's Ass About
- ANGELS AND DEMONS - Aka… Like Indiana Jones except it sucks!!
- BRUNO - Aka...Honestly, Honey...That IS fully erect!!
- HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE - Aka…Capitalist Spells against America’s Newest Prince
- KNOWING - Aka...Blowing
- King Hippo’s Best Movies of the Decade (2000-2009)
- PARANORMAL ACTIVITY - AKA...Paranausea Activity
- RACHEL GETTING MARRIED - Aka...Rachel Getting “Mallied”!!!! As Long Duc Dong said in 16 Candles.
- RUDO Y CURSI - Aka…Rough and Vulgar
- SEVEN POUNDS - Aka…Seven Pounds of Shit
- SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE - Aka...Know it all Brown Trash Gets Lucky
- STAR TREK - Aka… Yes, another one.
- TELL NO ONE- Aka...NPR thought this was good - Enough Said?
- THE DARK KNIGHT - Aka...The Long Night
- THE LIVES OF OTHERS - Aka...Like The Reader, except, It didn't wipe its own Ass with my Tongue!!
- THE READER - Aka...Hot Illiterate 36 Year Old Nazi Fraulein Seduces Clueless Teenage Boy for Bedtime Stories and Fulfillment of Oedipus Complex
- THE READER - Aka...The Yawner
- TWILIGHT - Aka...Virgin Vamps Heavy Petting
- WATCHMEN - Aka...Yes, He has a Huge Dick!!
- LAW ABIDING CITIZEN - AKA…Just Try Fucking With King Hippo
- A CHRISTMAS CAROL
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