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Pity Party Strikes Midnight!!

By Old Dan Cedar - Posted on 14 May 2009

Perusing the daily rag this am while squatting on yesterday’s disgruntled post-digestive intestinal requirements and what do I read? Finally, a happy day for Lieutenant “Old Dan Cedar”Buzzkill. At my age there aren’t many of these left – so this is cause for celebration.

The federal spigot that followed the hurricane that hit New Orleans – almost four fucking years ago – is being capped.

Generation Sushi:

Let me be the bearer of a little history because, in speaking with most of you folks, there is a harsh realization that Old Dan has to be simple in his communication to you – since most of you don’t have any knowledge of anything prior to your birth. Little things, like The Beatles, WWII or George Fucking Washington. I just get that glazed-stare - out of your myopic eyeballs because I haven’t referenced the Jonas Brother, WWE, Nelly, Kenny Chesney or Jimmy Fallon (and his comedic genius) in my un-endearing commentary on the status of our little un-green carbon factory.

Here is some language that you generation of languid fucks can understand.

Work – Good.

Welfare – Bad.

OK, so maybe it isn’t a generational thing. Maybe it is a regional thing. Maybe that is why I keep reading about these Fucking Fucks still whining about how they are being abandoned by the government or that their dog ate the paperwork that they filled out and they missed the overly harsh government deadline for handouts.

Three Words – Four Fucking Years!!

But, look over there in Texas and a mere 8 months after their hurricane – nary a disgruntled word about the lack of governmental handouts. The headlines in the newspapers wonder about why the birth rate will spike in the next month. Texans take lemons and create future tax payers and child support payments. A true entrepreneurial spirit!!

Six hours east - the concern is elsewhere. The squeaky wheel getting the grease.

That is about right, but why?

Here is a surprise for you chunks of human excrement. Old Dan Cedar doesn’t know everything. But the one thing that I have figured out. Grown, responsible people are like little kids. Except, they have pubes, can mostly wipes their own anal cavities and have learned at some point that they don’t get what they want every time they throw a fit.

When is enough – ENOUGH?


Just like you war-mongering right wingers cheerleading for the Military Industrial Complex out of the right side of your mouth – while spewing racial epithets at Tiger Woods out of the other side while sitting around the living room watching The Masters on Easter Sunday. You know who you are and you only speak this way in your darkest moments. When you think you are free from judgment. Your time is passing and you don’t like it.


You see – I am one of you – and I see your shadowed bigotry that you hide from your professional colleagues. But, because I look like you - doesn’t mean that I am one of you. I am taking mental notes on your skewed view of the world.

This is not a Race deal.

This is a Socialism deal.

The same “New Deal” that FDR fed the American public to fund his four-time crippled ass into the presidency.

The difference is – in Texas – for whatever reason – folks have enough pride to not accept anything and everything offered to them.

The moral to this story: If you coddle your kids – or adults for that matter -they will grab hold of that forever milking galactorrhea teat with those jagged baby teeth and will suck it until an 80 year-old nipple de madre shrivels up inside the gland de mammary.

Thank God – the next president of these here United States – one Bobby Jindal – governor of Louisiana- has pulled the nattering nabobs of negativity off of the collective state teat.

Happy Mother’s Day – New Orleans!!

Time to move out of Uncle Sam’s trailer.

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In The News


Wasilla, AK - Today, soon to be ex-Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, announced more specifics on her puzzling decision to step down from her role as governor of Alaska.

Appearing at a press conference, that was ripe with double entendre, and fully heightened in four inch red, high heels, a black pleather mini-skirt and a white, ruffled, half-unbuttoned blouse – “Caribou Barbie” as some have dubbed her, came out with ordnance ablaze.