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RUDO Y CURSI - Aka…Rough and Vulgar

By Ian Specter - Posted on 27 May 2009

The story follows two Mexican half-brothers from the point of “being discovered” as soccer prodigies in a small village to becoming nationally famous players.

If you weren’t such a closed-minded, ignorant redneck you might recognize the two lead actors and the director from Y Tu Mama Tambien from a few years back. But you were probably sitting at home watching Die Hard on TNT for the 9th time. Sorry to disturb your mindless dribble-athon.

Rudo, played by Diego Luna, is a talented goalie with a wife and kids and has a penchant for gambling.

Cursi, played by Gael Garcia Bernal, is a talented forward, but his real desire is to be a singer. He comes to date a TV game show hostess played by the very hot Jessica Mas as Maya. Give me more!!

There is a standout performance by Guillermo Francella as the narrarator/talent scout who, of course, has many masters’s and motives.

Brothers have been fighting since before the bible. So, this is a tried and true narrative. Cursi and Rudo compete on the field for national as well as family pride. Both deal with problems and peccadillo’s throughout the film.

I had real empathy for these characters (even with their warts). I wish some of you idiotic action-flick fucks would take the time to experience a little something called “character development” as we do in this movie.

Both lead characters get played by one or more - a talent scout, women, gamblers or family.

And yes, Abzug, you will get a shot of some hot, Mexican ass along the way!!

I know that you will buy this DVD asap so you can get some Hispanic fodder for your next Wankapalooza session, but in reality you will be drawn to the soccer boy hazing in the shower.

This brings me to a problem with the film. Both of the boys are ritualistically hazed upon joining their respective teams. Even though both have female relationships — upon 3-4 punches from fellow team mates — each gives in to their latent homosexual underpinnings within 10 seconds of initiation.

If these guys would have been detainees held at Gitmo — we could have killed Bin Laden within 15 minutes after water torture. Oh, sorry, I mean interrogation.

Is everyone just assumed to be bi-sexual? Not on any “football” team that I have ever been a member. Hey, just because all the “cool kids” are getting their dicks sucked in the shower doesn’t mean that you can serve me up a kielbasa on a bun or that Jose and Carlos should feel free to treat me to as their human Push-Up from the ice cream truck fridge.

This movie features a painful, Spanish rendition of a Cheap Trick classic — I want you to want Me which got funnier every time I heard it.

Abzug — Here are your 3 Take-Aways because I don’t want you having a TIA trying to figure out this movie.

  • Never date a hot looking chick
  • Drug lords will always prosper
  • In soccer — a tie is as good as a win
  • I am from Great Britain, so yes, I know, it is football, but this is an American website, so get over it FIFA. While you’re at it — get rid of that ridiculous off sides rule and someone might win a game 6-5.

    The brother v brother story has been done better. Even as recently as Slumdog Millionaire, but the story is still compelling.

    Although the ending is a telegraphed a bit, I enjoyed this film. It took me to a place (Mexico’s sweaty, stinky, crowded, loud soccer stadiums) that I have never been, and hopefully, will never go.

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