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A SERIOUS MAN - AKA… Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About a Jew...and Really Didn't Give a Rat's Ass About

By King Hippo - Posted on 09 December 2009

I have a confession to make: I actually wanted to see The Road, but the liberal skirt I was with - played the women's lib card and I had to give in.

I don't get it. If women are "equal" to men and want to have an equal say in things then why did I end up measuring, drilling, and hanging an 80 pound decorative mirror on her living room wall while she yakked it up with some other dude on the phone?


Oh, yeah…I am King Hippo and the chances of me getting laid are only slightly better than disgraced, NBA referee Tim Donaghy getting out of prison, publishing a book about how corrupt the NBA really is, and getting to whine about how sorry we should feel for him on 60 Minutes.

Oh, my bad – life is stranger than fiction!!

So….you’d like that mirror on the other wall? Sure, Ms. Steinem!!

Anyway…It was no big deal - most movies by the Coen Brothers are brilliant and this dark comedy is no exception. Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg) is a hapless physics professor living in a Midwestern Jewish “enclave” (in WWII they were called ghettos) whose life suddenly seems to be careening off a cliff.

More empathetic – I could not be.

Never heard of Michael Stuhlbarg? Nor had I – but hear me now and believe me when you’re watching The Weinstein Golden Statue Party For Best Movies of 2009. This guy can act his dirty, little Jewish ass off!!

At work, Larry is being bribed/threatened by a Korean exchange student who failed his midterm exam. This seems to be the first tell-tale sign that this is pure fiction – being that I have never personally witnessed ANY Asian fail ANY exam.
Mid-term, or not…

Larry is being considered for tenure, but the committee has been receiving anonymous letters attesting to his immoral character.

I know what you’re thinking…He’s a Jew, right? I mean, if MY Messiah and Savior wasn’t a Jew – I would really have a problem with these people.

At home, his wife is leaving him for Sy Abelman (Fred Melamed); his children are out of control; his in-the-closet, unemployed, deadbeat brother is constantly in trouble with the law; and his next door neighbors are either trying to seduce him or drive him crazy.

So Larry does what any good Jew would do – consult with his local rabbi.

Now, I know what you racist, rednecks are thinking, but don’t forget about the Jesus person.

I tell you this – he was one good Jew and one bad Rabbi. During the course of the movie, Larry consults with each of the three rabbis at his temple and the vignettes are hilarious. Makes me want to convert to Judaism just for the entertainment value – but I figured that Jerry Seinfeld would probably sue me.

As Larry falls deeper and deeper into depression, he realizes that there are people much worse off than he is. At this epiphany, his life suddenly seems to be taking a turn for the better. Then the shit hits the fan...such is the life of The Dirty Jew.

Consider this payback for all of the Leni Riefenstahl propaganda from the 1920's and 30's you Nazi loving bastards.

The story closes abruptly as Larry gets a call from his doctor who wants a face to face to discuss his x-ray results, and as his son watches a tornado approaching the school yard.

I know there are those of you out there who don't care for the No Country For Old Men and/or There Will Be Blood endings. To you, I suggest joining Old Dan Cedar on the couch watching A-Team reruns or Univision. This is suitable fare for your functionally retarded mentality.

To the rest of you who passed the TAKS test, or some-such assessment to gain your GED - the moral of this story is that life sucks and then you die.

Like I haven’t figured that shit out already.

Yeah, honey, I will be right there…I am just taking some Oxycontin because, you know, the mirror is a little heavy and I pulled something in my back.

I know - it’s still crooked.

Such is the life of The Dirty In-Bred Hawaiian!

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