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Will America Swallow Snatch Juice?

By Ian Specter - Posted on 27 May 2009

The ad is controversial, yet many men (and some closely shorn women) can’t turn down the newest energy drink in your local grocery store. Snatch Juice is being marketed as Mother Natures Finest Energy Drink and comes from our friends at West Planet Beverages — who also brought you Jolt Cola. The mostly female marketing staff promises to continually quench the thirst of anyone who “tastes the place”.

And they are lapping it up, very methodically.

    “Yes, our target demographic (male 18-24) is standing fully engorged in the drink aisles at grocery stores, convenience stores and even in their regular place of worship to slowly enjoy every drop of Snatch Juice”, says Ginger Weems,
    Executive VP of Customer Fellations. “We have gone to great lengths to give the public options in their piquant flavor. Those choices include: Albacore Cappellini Con Tonno , Snapper Tamarind and Flounder with Lobster Sauce.”

West Planet is also working on varying degrees of pulp content (although exact details are yet to be finalized).

Ms. Weems wouldn’t comment on the rumored new energy pellet product — Gummy Snatch — which is gummy fish with Snatch Juice flavoring.

Ms. Weems said that marketing will occur at every demographic segment and that West Planet is currently installing vending machines at the local YMCA for maximum penetration. “We want everyone to partake! Everyone!!” Weems was referring to the hard to reach African American segment of the market which doesn’t engage so quickly to partake of food or beverage at the Y.

The ad is stirring up quite a bit of publicity for West Planet and is causing some discussion among parent groups. Parents for Uplifting Moral Principles (PUMP) says that the name is only the beginning of the offensiveness. Spokesperson, Sid Varga said, “The pink packaging has a slit all the way across the top with a small nipple on one side and a hole at the bottom — I think we know what they are trying to create here — and it should be offensive to every consumer!!”

VP of Product Juiciness, Kelly Tonguenticer, replied with “Huh? I don’t know how the packaging or the name can offend anyone.” She also said that her product team “developed the patent pending lid that increases the Maximum Uptake Flow Factor (MUFF) — which is the energy drink industry standard for measuring a consumer’s speed of intake.”

Whatever the controversy, West Planet is enjoying the afterglow of a job well done.

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