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THE HELP - Aka...And You Thought Nell Carter Was Fat

By Old Dan Cedar - Posted on 17 December 2011

It’s hard to believe that during the burgeoning civil rights movement…Gene Roddenberry was hurling the likes of James T. Kirk and Mr. Spock through the galaxy at warp speed on a space ship that was being serviced by an inter-galactic switchboard operator…the lovely Lietenant Uhura. This eventually led to the, now historical, first interracial kiss on American television between Kirk and Uhura.

This is where my space/time continuum begins to blur…let’s do the Time Warp, Again.

In The Help, we are transported back to the waning days of Jim Crow in segregated Mississippi where wealthy white folk treated blacks like complete shit with barely more than a whimper of bitching and complaining.

So, the crux of this here movie is how one of these debutante’s decides that her feminist, rebellious inclinations can be best utilized by gathering stories from the local, Fat-ASS maids that wait on every beckon call of their employers. Cooking their fried chicken, raising their babies and polishing their brass.

Now, generally, Old Dan Cedar is not one to imbibe in what my Neanderthal mind calls a chick flick. Especially when it clocks in at 2 hours and 26 minutes. Generally, I feel like Ferris Bueller’s dad stuck driving behind the old beehive as she weaves left…then right… at 14mph through the suburban streets of Chicago. With Bueller Senior trying to whisk her away with several hand swats.

But, I gotta tell you….The Help didn’t seem to be dawdling as much as I expected. And yes…Old Dan Crier made several appearances. Though my cynical mind kept trying to pick at the very real inadequacies and maudlin attempts to play on the emotional weakness of the fairer sex…The Goddamn Movie works…even though it ain’t perfect.

Jessica Chastain once again proves her greatness as a hilarious, busty, outcast debutante that can’t cook and doesn’t know nothin’ about birthing no babies. And Octavia Spencer is a funny, fucking maid in a female Rochester mode (from Jack Benny) with a penchant for frying up chicken and baking fecal pies.

Understand the back drop of this being one of the shittiest years for movies since...I dunno...last year. But what do you expect? Hollywood is reporting tons of income and almost zero originality. Consider this…as of December 17, 2011 – there is exactly ONE film of the top 10 grossing films of 2011 that is NOT a sequel. That would be Rio….which…I wholeheartedly predict will have a sequel in the not too distance future.

The Help doesn’t seem to lend itself to an offspring, but don’t be surprised if the maid that walks off of her job at the end…doesn’t get melded into some fucking Tyler Perry-type spin off - that bastardizes her character into some Diary Of A Mad Black Woman II which conjures up positive messages about self-worth, love and respect.

Cue the retching


Let’s do the Time Warp, Again. It’s just a jump to the left…

The name of that first successful TV pilot for Star Trek…”Where No Man Has Gone Before.”

But they’ve gone plenty times since.

After six television series and eleven movies (and counting) …who can blame the rehashing?

After all…it’s all about the cold, hard cash.

And that’s some cold, hard Vulcan logic.

Luckily, The Help, is about more than that. It reminds cold-hearted old men about how bad things were and even if it glosses over a few of the cold, hard facts…it is the best movie of this rotten lot of 2011…so far.

Old Dan Cedar

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