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TREE OF LIFE - Aka...Daddy's Wet Dream


By Old Dan Cedar - Posted on 01 December 2011

Considering the Aka (above), and wondering how King Hippo would go about summarizing this movie…I am sure 'The King' would try to make some tie-in to this movie and what he considers the greatest rock and roll band of all-time…Black Oak Arkansas.

Where a normal person might see The Tree of Rock and Roll spreading its roots from the beginnings of Gospel and Blues, Elvis and The Beatles…King Hippo’s source that he relates everything relevant - comes back to, what else, the God forsaken 1970s and BOA led by the raspy voice and on-stage histrionics of vocalist Jim ‘Dandy’ Mangrum.

Luckily for you…Old Dan Cedar saw this movie and is reviewing this film. Specifically, because Tree Of Life DOESN’T include any reference material to early 20th century comic books, banal ‘action’, Stax Records and/or 1970s Southern Rock…it slipped under the King Hippo Radar.

I got this movie and got to see the ginchy greatness of Jessica Chastain.

While Old Dan Cedar was meandering through Junior College with a remote control in one hand and a jar of Vaseline close-by the other, Miss Chastain was getting born.

And now, in 2011, she has started to make a big mark on Hollywood. In Tree of Life she plays the perfect wife and mother. Translation…hot and meek.

A pale, skinny red-head that barely utters a word…while married to Brad Pitt in circa early 1960s Texas. She births three boys and barely utters a moan.

Pitt treats her like complete shit. Her kids treat her like she is a human trampoline.

Barely a peep.

My kinda gal.

What say you, King Hippo??

Sorry, I saw her first.

I haven’t seen any of the other movies that Miss Chastain has been in, but if she ‘acts’ like this in these other roles…then I, Old Dan Cedar, may just have to give her a ring-a-ding-ding.

Tree of Life takes us through the upbringing of the three Texas lads by their asshole father and by their mother who carries grace and kindness with her everywhere. She lives the example set by Jesus. Barefoot and willing to turn the other cheek.

Not to mention HOT and KNOCKED UP for much of the first-half of the movie.

Is Tree of Life a perfect movie??

Well…she doesn’t get nekkid if that’s what yer talkin’ about.

And there is quite a bit of dead air…staring out into the Hubble photographed cosmos and a completely, misplaced flashback to the Jurassic days of Texas’ earliest inhabitants.

It’s a movie that strives for greatness, but comes up a little shy.

Turns out the kids love daddy more because he treats them like shit.

My kinda boys.

Luckily, the flashbacks in the movie - skip over the god forsaken 1970s. Thereby, removing any chance of a Black Oak Arkansas reference and to the Tree of Rock and Roll that led to the amalgamation of one, David Lee Roth.

Maybe when Terrence Malick gets around to making another film in 15 years…he can get to work on that subject.

And King Hippo will have his remote control and jar of Vaseline close at hand.

And Dan Cedar will be lying in the emaciated, ginchy arms of one, Jessica Chastain. Come to Daddy!!

Old Dan Cedar

4 Naybobs

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