W.


By Ian Specter - Posted on 16 June 2009

The Right – represented by Old Dan Cedar

Congratulations to Academy Award Winning Director Oliver Stone on putting out a hap-hazard characterization of the greatest president this millennium has seen. I watched this movie with my 11 year-old son, who, upon seeing the opening credits — dropped a methane menace on me that, coincidentally, stunk for the next 129 minutes.

The Left – represented by Pepe LaPetitte

Well, color me surprised, Old Dan Cedar doesn’t like this truthful, insightful film by a great director. President Bush II, stands in stark contrast to the current leader of your country — The great Barrack Obama!!

The man whom you so callously refer to as “Caucasianally-Challenged” at your local monthly Klan meeting.

ODC – Pepe, speaking of color — there is a reason that your comments are in red. All of the Latte Sipping Lefty shortcuts are used in this biopic in referring to
The Most Awesomest President: Frat Boy, Drunk, Failure, Imbecile, Sporto, Miscommunicator, Racist (even the Willie Horton ad gets pinned on him), and of course, Man of God. Within five minutes of the beginning of this movie, we see the greatest living president — praying. Something that you, your country and the leftist elite could spend a little more time doing, Pepe.

PLP - Yes, that is what we need here in France– some nebulous god that is always on your coinage and in your hearts unless you want to waterboard “enemy combatants” while subverting The Geneva Conventions. The exquisite portrayal of Mr. Bush is painted in a wonderfully nuanced performance by the fiercely intelligent Josh Brolin. This role, along with his performances in No Country for Old Men and The Goonies, cements Brolin as one of the acting monarchy in your otherwise vapid country.

Viva La Brolin!!

ODC - Pepe, Haven’t you and Stone done enough in this world?

When I was a kid there were four things that were Verbotten!

  1. Bagels — they were kept in New York or the frozen food aisle where they belong.
  2. Yogurt — In my day, a heterosexual man would be summarily dismissed as a “fruit” if he had the gall to order this limp, white log in a cup.
  3. Surrender — WE had the right idea in Viet Nam. Even if you are losing — you don’t quit. You just up the production of U.S. Flags and Pine Boxes. You keep the white hankie IN your pocket and don’t sit in your fox hole practicing how to say, “Don’t Shoot” in your enemy’s language.
  4. Pussied up Coffee — The rule in my day — Black Coffee, Cream and Imperial sugar. 25 cents.

I am sure you would have 2 packs of Lucky Strike, or some such cancer stick, with your $6 cappuccino, right? But yours is the nation of forward thinkers, right? You have been undoing and misunderestimating my country for far too long, Pepe!!

Let’s face it, Pepe, WB II WAS the Dimaggio of presidents. This world could use a little more Mr. Coffee and a little less Monsieur Latte.

PLP - I know nothing of this Dimaggio of whom you speak, Monsieur Cedar.

My game is le football. The truth that you DO speak is of the greatness of American tobacco.

Magnifique!!

Viva la cologne and Crest White Strips!!

ODC - Pepe, I realize that you would rather look up to the 6’7” Charles de Gaulle riding around on his horse and surrendering to Hitler while wearing that ridiculous hat.

But, the rest of the Caucasian world thinks that riding a mountain bike with a cougar by your side, having two hot-looking twin daughters while still giving some 4th world flea bag assholes the chance to fuck 72 virgins…

That, my friend, is a cool guy that I would follow into battle.
NO, not literally, figuratively, you herbivorian pile of fecal remnants freshly squeezed from the intestinal mucosa of my colon!!

PLP – This, of which you speak, is abhorrent, Sir!!

I now wish to speak — through writing — of the great Director, Oliver Stone. This man has the insight to take a vulgar, shallow snapshot of the man they call the W and give the picture a haunting depth that is only matched by great artists like Picasso, Renoir and Gauguin.

ODC - Pepe, Contrast the way Stone treats this president with the reverence he treated President Back And To The Left in JFK and The Poetic Pothead in The Doors.

In W. — the camera is in constant motion to show how drunk our great leader was in his misspent youth. But Kennedy was just tapping some fine platinum pussy before being a “forgotten prince” and Morrison was just finding some pacifist poetry in his vial of heroin.

And what is the deal with our recently overthrown leader overeating throughout the movie? Shouldn’t Bush be as fat as Sonia Sotomayor at this point?

PLP – Old Dan, you are definitely an Ugly White American as was W. Bush.

Loud, vile and selfish capitalists. I weep for your children (no matter how attractive they are to middle aged men).

Dan – this film shows why the rest of the world hates George W. Bush and through brilliant use of minimalism — Josh Brolin delivers the best performance of the millennium.

ODC - Bush had a great mantra that Old Dan Cedar likes to live by… Never be Out-Christianed or Out-Texaned. A good rule to follow for the rest of the world as well.

And if WE have to have a crusade to convert the insolent, stubborn, non Yahweh worshipers of the world — that is just fine by us!!

And by WE, I mean the strong, young lemmings that selflessly give their lives so that great men like George W. Bush and Old Dan Cedar don’t have to.

PLP

ODC

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