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WATCHMEN - Aka...Yes, He has a Huge Dick!!

By King Hippo - Posted on 03 April 2009

Another comic book adaptation, another dry-heave.

Let me save you 2.5 hours of your life that you’ll never get back.


Sound familiar. Machiavelli wrote a little book on this almost 600 years ago.

Want more? Let’s face it; most American movie-goers are abject morons incapable of any discernment or critical thinking. They’re used to “oohing” and “aahing” over crap like Superman, Batman and Spiderman movies. Therefore, when asked to give an evaluation of Watchmen, the response of the average movie-goer is, “I don’t get it!”

REALLY? “You don’t get it?” REALLY?

The problem with Watchmen is that it’s too intellectual for the general public, especially if they have not read the graphic novel. Watchmen is one adaptation which would have benefited from a large dose of poetic license. SCREW what the average fanboy thinks – he’s already masturbated to the graphic novel enough to use it as home plate on a baseball diamond.

Speaking of masturbation, how many scenes involving Dr. Manhattan’s stimulus package is ENOUGH? He’s so beyond the earthly realm that he has no need for clothing…OK! We GET IT!

It used to be that full frontal female nudity guaranteed a film an “X” rating and full frontal male nudity ended up on the editing floor.
Were the producers doing exit polling to see how many women and homos came strictly for the kielbasa show?

I’m not knocking the movie for being intellectual. It was actually a breath of fresh air compared to mindless pap* like Ironman, The Hulk, and X-Men, but sometimes a literal translation (save for the ending in this movie) leaves out too much of the descriptive text which is necessary to make a more seamless movie. Kind of like that last sentence.

One certainty: if Billy Crudup’s acting career takes a nosedive anytime soon, there will be steady work for him in the San Fernando Valley vanquishing Peter North to the unemployment line.

King Hippo

* Pap – defined as drivel, not smear, you fucking moron.

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