You are hereNew Movie Reviews / THE WOMAN IN BLACK - Aka…Daniel Radcliffe and Dan Cedar Are Identical Twins Separated at Birth

THE WOMAN IN BLACK - Aka…Daniel Radcliffe and Dan Cedar Are Identical Twins Separated at Birth


By King Hippo - Posted on 16 March 2012

So after years of playing a teenaged dork in the Harry Potter movies, Daniel Radcliffe decides to spread his wings and become the protagonist in this "classic" horror movie. "Classic" in a gothic sense, with the obligatory "jump" scares and dim lighting that gives it that film noire feeling.

Sort of like when Dan Cedar invites you over to his house for a drink only to enter a completely dark living room...and the next thing you know, his goatee is pressed up into your crotch. YIKES!

OK – So, I wasn’t invited. I thought there was a birthday party…and EVERYONE was fucking late.

Duh!!!

One Better? This movie has broken records - after becoming the UK’s highest grossing British horror film since records began 20 years ago. DOUBLE YIKES!!

Luckily Old Dan’s moobs are bigger than any woman that your humble reviewer, King Hippo, has ‘dated’ (i.e. felt up in a darkened theater). If she ‘card’s’ her way into an R rated film without my assistance…I don’t have to worry about any troublesome parole violations. Naa...Na…Naa…Na…Boo…Boo!!

It’s a joke, granny! Get over it!! Next thing you know you’ll be yelling at the grandkids about playing Quidditch on your broom!! Ya see, this is why I never had kids. But, I digress…

Anyway, this movie breaks no new ground. Radcliffe is the mourning solicitor who is sent out of town to get his mind off his recently deceased wife and to encourage him to become a productive lawyer once again. His instructions are to wade through the paperwork of a recently deceased client of the firm. Just Radcliffe's luck it happens to be the "haunted" house out in the moors (not moops or moobs) at the outskirts of town.

The ghost who haunts the house is the sister of the recently deceased widow. It seems the sister's son was drowned in the moors and his body was never found. So the sister cursed the entire town with the deaths of sons and daughters. The only catch is that the particular son or daughter that is killed has to come into contact with someone who has seen the ghost.

So of course, Radcliffe shuffles back and forth between the house and town, continually seeing the ghost and then interacting with everyone's children. Nice going, Typhoid Mary!

And in typical heroic fashion, he decides to trawl the moors, yes, the moors, to find the body of the long dead son so that the remains can be properly buried and his ghost mother can find her peace and the townspeople don't have to worry about their kids anymore. The only problem is that the ghost wants none of this.

Hey Radcliffe! You should have learned this in various Naomi Watts flicks which were direct ripoffs of Japanese "Obake" movies. No Dan, I did NOT say "Bukkake."

Settle down!!

Without revealing the ending, the movie goer is left wondering, as much as this movie goer’s mind can wonder, if the ghost did find her peace...or if she's still a raging bitch.

GET MARRIED AGAIN, DAN!!!

Daniel Radcliffe is still a fucking dork...and Dan Cedar is his identical twin.

Three Naybobs

King Hippo

Movie Rating System

Search

Cool Site of the Day!



We are proud to be the Cool Site of the Day!

Vote for us in the voting frame at Cool Site of the Day!

In The News

PALIN PLANS FOR FUTURE - MONEY SHOT!!

Wasilla, AK - Today, soon to be ex-Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, announced more specifics on her puzzling decision to step down from her role as governor of Alaska.

Appearing at a press conference, that was ripe with double entendre, and fully heightened in four inch red, high heels, a black pleather mini-skirt and a white, ruffled, half-unbuttoned blouse – “Caribou Barbie” as some have dubbed her, came out with ordnance ablaze.

more...