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ANGELS AND DEMONS - Aka… Like Indiana Jones except it sucks!!

By King Hippo - Posted on 27 May 2009

Ya know — it used to be that a Ron Howard flick was guaranteed to at least be entertaining, and more often than not, a very good film... Which leaves me in bewilderment that the director of Frost/Nixon pinched this piping hot loaf of rectum remnants onto the unsuspecting public.

Most fans of the The Davinci Code would naturally be intrigued by this "prequel," also written by Dan Brown, but if they were expecting some kind of intellectual stimulation, they'd be better off seeing Mall Cop.

In typical liberal Hollywood fashion, some non-descript lifelong academic atheist "saves" the day with his singularly brilliant intellect that goes unmatched by a particle physicist, the head of Vatican security, and the head of the Swiss Guard.

Tom Hank's character also manages a typical leftist swipe "relevant" to current events when he states that the violence going on at the Vatican is a result of the Catholic Church's persecution of the "Illuminati" CENTURIES ago. Ergo, the scumbag militant Muslims of today wouldn't bother us if we didn't "persecute" them.

For those of you that don’t have the time or inclination to read 1000 pages of Dan Brown’s overly-imaginative meanderings, access to a Wikipedia or a fucking library — many conspiracy theorists believe the Illuminati are the masterminds behind events that will lead to the establishment of a New World Order.

Hmmm, let's analyze this... do any of you illiterate bastards know of anyone today still mad at the Romans for conquering their ancestors? How about the Persians? The Vikings? Oh, how about the Huns?

Maybe if Hollywood would stick to movie making and ditch their leftist proselytizing every chance they get — we might have a better choice of thoughtful, intriguing movies — rather than putting out another whine tasting about the persecution of Jews in World War II, some new super heroes that have a deep, dark side or another Will Ferrell brain-numbing yuk fest.

My idiotic editor has me under contract to do these reviews — so, I have to go.

But, YOU — YOU have no excuse. Other than you have the mental capabilities of the typical 46 year-old Mongolian love child that works as the front cashier at my local Subway. I have a word for your little conspiracy club sandwich — The ILLiITERATI !!

Basically this movie is just another generic cat and mouse chase but in the setting of the Vatican.

Yipee Ki Yay.

And guess what? Without giving the ending away, I figured out who the "brains" of the operation was before it was revealed — No Problemo. But I am a lot smarter than you. So — Best of Luck, Mongo!!

Don't waste your money on this stinker. For the life of me I can’t understand why it was shown in the theater with THREE times the seating capacity as that of Star Trek.

Typical Hollywood mentality. Just like the federal government. Here is an idea for you Mr. President. If you started taxing the morons attending the local Cineplex de suburbia — Maybe we could all have free health care!!

Hey Opie Cunningham — I've got a coupon for you from "Hair Club for Men." Maybe a rug will curtail the evaporating grey matter, since the omnipresent hat is most definitely NOT stemming the brainal leakage.

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