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KNOWING - Aka...Blowing

By King Hippo - Posted on 22 April 2009

Synopsis - Aaah, the age old question of Intelligent Design vs. Matter-Created-From-Non-Matter-And-Random-Beneficial-Mutations-Over-The-Millenia-Creating-A-Being-As-Intelligent-As-Man. Ok, so maybe that is an age old statement. For those of you with limited intellectual capacity (i.e. liberals, movie reviewers, cat lovers) it's about the same odds as an individual winning the lottery fifty times in his life...without ever buying a lottery ticket.

The premise is interesting - a "chosen" child - decades ago, is possessed to scrawl a litany of numbers on a page of school paper which will be entombed in a time capsule only to be conveniently passed to the son of astronomy professor Nicolas Cage upon its retrieval. A fine case of spot-on casting if I have ever seen it.
Of course, Cage just happens to be pondering the existence of God because of the tragic loss of his wife when he discovers the time capsule page. Then, in one night, the guy from Valley Girl deciphers 90% of the meaning of the numbers.

During all of this, his son is being "visited" by stealth beings that all sport an 80's Billy Idol look: leather jackets, skinny black jeans and all, sans the whiplash smile. Why not Elvis? He'd be the perfect "visitor" being that half of the dip shits in the world still think he's alive. So I'm scratching my head thinking, "why the page of prophecy numbers when Billy Idol's pedophile squad is just going to kidnap the kids they want, anyway?"

Anyway, Cage figures out the list of numbers are dates for tragic loss of life around the world, including some dates in the future, the last just a few days away. The date that I saw this homage to horse excrement was not on the list of dates in the movie. Since I lost over 2 hours of my life while watching this pathetic waste of celluloid – I knew the list was completely bogus.

Otherwise, I had bought into this ridiculous excuse for Sir Nicholas’ lead up to his next role in The Pious One - a remake of Gandhi. Off with the toupee! But I digress.

Because of his position in the astronomy field, Cage’s character, plotting to take over as the leader in the field with Stephen Hawking circling the drain - is savvy to knowledge of a potential solar flare from the sun. He puts 2 and 2 together and voila! The end of the world. And, as is de rigueur for all Nicolas Cage movies, it quickly devolves into a mindless action flick served up piping hot for the American Lemming.

Oh, for the days of movies that utilized Cage's "acting skills" to it's fullest...Honeymoon In Vegas (jackass)...Leaving Las Vegas (bumbling drunk)...

Here's a number for you 07172012 - the day Nicolas Cage's acting career is flushed down the shitter once and for all. Eat your heart out Tommy Tutone!!

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